10 Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Tattoos, Plus the One On This Shameless Author's Butt

As long as there are people with bad ideas and it is legal to outfit other people with bad ideas with tattoo guns, we will have bad tattoos, and, man, are there some bad tattoos out there. Even Hayden Panettiere's got one. I feel for her, though, because I, too, had a brain fart in my youth, and now I've got my own slightly embarrassing butt tattoo. Here, let me show you it...

I apologize for the poor quality of this photograph, but it is difficult to get a decent shot of one's own butt with an iPhone:

When I chose this tattoo back inn 1993, I honestly didn't know that this was a pervasive Christian symbol and thought that it had to do with the marriage of male and female energies. What makes this even funnier? I AM AN ATHEIST. So, unless I shell out for tattoo removal, I'm going to be an atheist with a Christian bumper sticker on her butt until the end of time. I ARE SMRT.

Without further ado, I give you:

10 Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Tattoos

Let me start with misspelled tattoos, because those are most awesome. 

This one might not be intentionally misspelled, but it still looks like she's asking everyone who sees her in bare feet to "Be Miners Valentineres":

 

And then we have "Your Mine", which is less about love and more about both this guy and his tattoo artist needing to improve their literacy skills. Your mine is shut down for parts.

 

I really feel for this woman. If she ever goes back to finish high school, having to read "Beautiful Tradgedy" every morning is really going to bug her.

This one isn't misspelled now, but it is going to become downright nonsensical in a few decades when it reads "THIS AM GUCKE SS":

Moving on, we have, of course, Mr. Tattoo Face, who looks as though he'd like to sell you a nice piece of real estate, or perhaps a used car:

"Hey, Joe. Remember that time you fell asleep, and we... hey! Joe! Are you even listening to me?"

 

It's Hello Kitty that really holds the whole thing together:

"You know those plastic chairs that you can buy at Wal-Mart? They really speak to me, you know?"

 

"You know what else I remember? That time Janie ate peanuts, and her head swelled up like a fat kid's. Yeah, that was awesome."

 

I am leaving you with this one because I am one sadistic pop culture writer who wants to give you nightmares.

 

So, kids, please consider your tattoos for a good, long, sober time and consult a dictionary if need be. And, if you're an atheist like myself, check a list of religious symbols and maybe the backs of cars in church parking lots to make sure that you're not inking this for all eternity onto your left butt cheek:

Comments

[Tracy]

Wow. Some of those colorful ones are insane.

But the plastic chair? That is deep.

P.S. You could always add feet, an alien bubble, wings or some other thing to yours thusly:

http://evolvefish.com/fish/emblems.html

[Chris]

Your tattoo is a riot! I added something to a shoulder tat of mine... Peace [the peace sign] = C2 + 3. It's what's in my blog header. Now I want to change the name of my blog and the header. Should have thought about that before I inked myself.

[magpie]

Um, has your mother seen your butt? I mean, you were worried about telling her about your blog and all...

The eyeballs on the eyelids is horrifying.

[iambellaluna]

I don't even know WHERE TO BEGIN! Those are something else. I especially like the hello kitty guy...white face, BLACK eyes and hello kitty on your forehead. WTF.

[indycitygirl]

As the owner of 3 tattoos with a charm bracelet about to be inked on my wrist all I have to say is BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! I cannot believe people get some of this crap inked for all time on thier skin.I know when I am old i still wont regret any of mine but some of these crack me up.In fact guess where my hubby is right now...Getting new ink !!!

[TwoBusy]

This. Is. Spectacular.

[Marilyn]

I knew someone who had a large rat tattooed up the side of his calf with the words "Rat Fink" emblazoned underneath it. I always thought that was the worst tattoo I'd ever seen until I saw those eyelid tattoos. Yuck!

[Staci]

I have 3 tattoos. The first two are okay, nowhere near as horrible as some of the tats above, but they aren't great works of art either. I mostly blame it on being 18 years old at the time. The nice thing is they're in places that are regularly covered up.

Anyway, my most recent tattoo is the one I'm the most proud of... it's a red/brown maple leaf falling on the back of my neck. It's a memorial tattoo for my dad who committed suicide last year. I didn't want to honor him with a traditional memorial tat with initials or his name and dates. So I went with memories instead. He loved the color of sugar maples in the fall and we always went for drives this time of year to see the colors, the falling leaf represents the loss of him, and the placement on the back of my neck is because he was a chiropractor.

[schmutzie]

Staci, I love the story of your tattoo in honour of your father. That's the kind of tattoo I can get behind. Beautiful.

[Carrie]

Some of those (not yours) will be emblazoned upon my eyeballs for eternity!

[momtrolfreak]

OMG LMAO. You are the queen of self-deprecating comments, I love it. I have something similar on my lower back--and i got it before the whole "tramp stamp" phenomenon, I swear, because i am OLD--it's a celtic knot that's in the shape of, basically a plus sign, except at the bottom it morphs into a buddhist lotus flower, because i am of irish heritage and a buddhist. The only problem with that is a plus sign with an extra thing on the bottom part looks like a BIG ASS CROSS. awesome.

[Sherri]

Those eyeball tattoos had to HURT!

[Jenn_C]

That last one is fake, right? Because, wow? Disturbing much?

[Deb]

Is there some way you can at least benefit from having Christ on your ass? Like if you show it at Mass do you get extra wine? Maybe you'll get out of purgatory faster, (tell them it appeared ON IT'S OWN like stigmata!) never know, might as well leave it be.

Or turn it into a duck!

[Lori]

Thank you for several LOL moments in a row. Hilarious.

[thordora]

My husband says those sternum pieces on chicks are the new tramp stamp, and most of the time I'm inclined to believe him. :P I can't imagine going through the pain of a piece there just to end up with a typo.

And look at it this way. At least that's on your BUTT. :P

[leah]

ha! that's a cute tat you got there.

i saw tattoo face man on a special about tattoos recently (he's a retired school teacher), he seemed a little pedophile to me.

[Heidi]

Wow, it's like Cake Wrecks for tattoos.

Needles in eyelids--ack!

[Mrs. Wilson]

No way!! That is too funny. A Jesus fish and a cross.

Thanks for the photo of your butt :)

I saw a photo of a local guy (when I lived in BC) that said INDEPENDANT. Totally not as bad as YOUR MINE, but almost.

[indycitygirl]

Staci,I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the meaning of your tattoo is wonderful.

[Laurinda]

Those are some...interesting...tattoos.
BUT!
You can cover up or alter a tattoo by having an artist go over it with flesh-colored ink. Yes, this really does work.
Even on "Impetuous Youth" tatts ;-)

[Karina in T.O]

Oh come on, the Tradgedy and This Game Sucks tattoo have to be fake. Please tell me their fake!!! The Beautiful Tradgedy one actually does look like a sketchy photoshop job...if you look at her hair against her shoulder....

While I've had the desire for ink I've never gone ahead with it...because crap, IT'S PERMANENT!! What if that giant tiger on my back gets droopy one day and goes from looking fierce to....I don't know, fat?? I have one girlfriend who's got so much ink she can't wear capri's to the office because she thought it was a good idea to get large tats on her ankles, she gets to wear long pants and long skirts to her gig at the accounting firm. Also the Elmo tat on the ass may have seemed cute when you were 20? But as I've mentioned said to people before.....it's not going to be so f'ing cute when your peeing on yourself in a home when you're 85!

[Karina in T.O]

And look at my bad grammar in that above post. See? See? People can't be trusted with spelling, especially if it will be on your body for life!!

[sweatpantsmom]

Some of these are scary, but most are just tradgic.

[Amanda]

When we lived in Fairbanks, Alaska there was a promo on April 1st played on a local radio station. "Tats for tots". Buy one tat for your tot and get one free or 50% off. Only for children ages 2-5. Many people called in to the station believing it was real.