'Shame and Honor: Asian Americans in Need of a PR Makeover' or 'My People Ain't Representin!'

What is going on with Asians in the media lately? First Jon Gosselin, formerly loving husband and doting dad-of-eight, becomes douchebag of the year and the biggest reason to hate Ed Hardy. Then Mayumi Heene, mom to Balloon Boy, is accused of perpetrating a hoax along with her crazy-ass husband. Hello! Konnichi-wa! Can my people get a PR makeover, please?

Whatever happened to Asians being the responsible, hard-working, smart ones? Sure it's a stereotype, but a damn useful one - it's gotten me out of a few traffic tickets and probably the reason none of my math professors even looked at my papers before they gave me an 'A.'

It's not like we've got that much visibility, and these clowns are ruining it for the rest of us who may be harboring secret fantasies of becoming reality show stars. Not that I know anyone like that. (But I mean look – I’ve already got the white spouse and that guy from TLC sounded half-serious when he said we’d be perfect for their new interracial marriage show, Race Swap.)

So, Jon Gosselin and Mayumi Heene: FAIL (Or, as my mom would say, SHAME!)

(Although, to his credit, thanks to Jon Gosselin my mom no longer thinks that all Asian men make best husbands!)

Let's take a look at some of my other Asian brothers and sisters and check out how they're doing and if they deserve a SHAME or an HONOR! To the death! BANZAII!

Rex Lee

Lee, as agent Ari Gold's suffering assistant Lloyd on Entourage, is my Asian American hero right now. So what if he spent the first few seasons being Ari's bitch? That last emotional episode, where he finally got promoted and earned Ari's respect had me bawling like a baby. I give him a resounding HONOR because he's doing double duty representing two maligned and sometimes-hated minorities - Asians and gays. Oh wait - three maligned and sometimes-hated minorites - Asians, gays and Hollywood agents.

Kim Jong Il

SHAME. SHAME-EST. HALL OF SHAME. SHAME-TASTIC.

Yoko Ono

She's been enjoying a lot of press time lately because of the release of the new remastered Beatles CDs. Okay, we know she broke up the band and she's got a singing voice that sounds like five hynenas trapped inside a dumpster filled with tin cans, but the last time I was in Japan I found out she's actually a distant relative of mine so bitch gets a HONOR!

David Carradine

I loved him in Kung Fu, and it's so sad how the tragic way he died was all over the news and -- oh, he wasn't even Asian? Freaking Kung Fu was a white guy? Never mind.

Amy Anderson

Amy's probably got more airtime than any other Asian American right now, due to this Southwest Commercial that airs five gabillion times a day:

Amy's a friend of mine, and she actually is a pain-in-the-ass in the elevator like that. But I'm giving her a HONOR because she does a kick-ass stand-up routine where she addresses all sorts of Asian stereotypes and she talks about being adopted by Angelina Jolie.

Speaking of Angelina Jolie, little Pax and Maddox Jolie-Pitt are the great Asian American hope! Let's just pray that after Brad and Angie have adopted their twentieth baby they still remember to keep their eldest kids on the straight and narrow. They might just grow up to be most famous Asian brothers since Chang and Eng! HONOR for these two but SHAME for Maddox if he fails to get rid of that mohawk by the time he's ten.

Masi Oka

I've never watched Heroes, but I hear Oka plays a guy named Hiro Nakamura who does some sort of time-traveling thing and then confronts his own ancestors in 17th-century feudal Japan. Strength and bravery like Samurai! That's what I'm talking about, people! HONOR HONOR HONOR!

Comments

[missbanshee]

I used to work with a delightful nun (there are such things) from Viet Nam who used to yell at our patients "YOU TOO CUCKOO! YOU GO AWAY!" at 4 foot nothing she was a force to be reckoned with. She really needs her own reality show, is what I'm saying.

[BaltimoreGal]

Masi Oka is THE SHIT.
I'm a niece/cousin to some genuine Japanese citizens I haven't seen in, god, 20 years, because those plane tickets are expensive! You'll have to give me some tips on getting over there without going broke.

[Helen]

What about Sandra Oh? Isn't she on Gray's Anatomy anymore? Is that show still on? Lucy Liu? What is she doing these days? Grace Park? Kelly Hu? Jackie Chan? Margaret Cho? Julia Ling? Hello? You missed a bunch. At least you included Masi Oka.

I think you were kind of stretching with the Asians in the public eye that you found, but I agree with your general theme.

[iambellaluna]

Love Masi Oka. Well I loved him more when Heros was a cooler show (in the earlier seasons) but he's still great!

[Snarky Amber]

This post? Is so full of win that my day, while only half over, couldn't possibly get better.

[Loraleee]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Seriously.

To die.

For.

[gurukarm (@karma_musings)]

Masi Oka plays the absolute best character on Heroes - sweet, selfless, heroic to a fault. Plus? in real life he speaks flawless English, haha - no stereotypes there, right? He definitely gets top HONOR honors :-)

[Carrie]

Margaret Cho will save the day!

[Jozet at Halushki]

Asian figure skaters rule the world. Yuna Kim? As a Bond Girl on ice? Damn. I just assume that all y'all can do Biellmann spins and triple-triple combinations. And I'm not talking off the menu, either.

It would take a million SHAMES to put a dent in that kind of awesomeness! Dude. After the Winter Olympics, Asians will rule the world again. Now...can you show me a Biellmann? ;-)

[Donna]

Damn, you're funny. Are you sure you're related to Yoko?

(You should check out Masi Oka on Heroes. I think you'd like Hiro's shtick.)

[Amy Anderson]

Thanks for the shout out my peep. My child is STILL crying after the Ice Age event at Fox. I am covered in glitter. xo

[Grace "Balut Babe" Davis]

Lia Salonga all the way, dollin. And, yeah, I know Miss Saigon is so 1991 but I don't care.

For more fabulous Asian action, check out one of my stepkiddo's pals, Doan Ly, who does it all - stage, movie and lots of TV. I can say with confidence that Doan is the only Asian American who has had a role in white bread Big Love.

Behold the IMDB creds:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1638162/

[Sweetney]

I love you and want to marry you. That is all.

[Helen]

Oh, and what about Daniel Dae Kim? Rosalind Chao? And Asian athletes like Michelle Kim, Yao Ming, Michelle Kwan and all those baseball players? Kosuko Fukodome?

Actually, I'm thinking this is a great time for busting those Asian stereotypes. Maybe there are some a-holes out there, but it just shows we're all different too, and can't be tarred with the same brush.

BTW, I think you're not watching the right TV shows...

[Karen]

George Takei doesn't get an award for not only representing Japanese-Americans, but gay American males? Yeesh.

[Mom101]

You just made me want to reach back into my family tree and try to find out if I'm like 1/116 Korean or something. Just so I could be cool.