In Which I'm Kanye'd by Pluto. The Planet, Not the Lovable Disney Dog.

In science-y, smart mo-fo news, and exoplanet conference was held a few days ago in Porto where a team of Smart MoFo's did a massive TA-DA(!) regarding their fancy new High Accuracy Radial Velocity Planet Searcher, or HARPS as it's known to the Fonzies of the telescope crowd, has discovered some 32 new exoplanets increasing the number of low-mass planets by a panty dropping 30%.

Wait.  Wait just one Pocket Protecting minute....H.A.R.P.S?  Where's the "V"?  I reckon HARVPS didn't have the same ring.  HARVPS sounds like something you'd catch from a cheap, hair lip hooker. 

Aaaaaaat any rate, this discovery marks the........

"Excuse ME?!!!"

What the?

"Up here!  Waaaaaaay in the Back!"

Oh.  Hiya, Pluto.  I was just talking about you. Well, not YOU in particular, but spacey-type Planet stuff, so I reckon you'd eventually be included.

"Yea, yea, yea.  I heard.  32 new exoplanets.  What the fuck does that mean anyway?  Exoplantets?"

Well, the best I can gather up, this HARPS thingy is a highly tuned instrument that can suss out new/alien worlds.  It main purpose is to seek out these tiny planets outside our solar system with a mass a few times that of Earth.  They call those super-Earths.  Or, Neptune-like.

"Well, fuck me."

You don't think that's pretty cool?

"No.  No, I don't think that's pretty cool.  I mean really!  Here I am, blacklisted from planetary super-stardom - did you know I was the Coldest?- and, and now these pencil-dicks are looking for New planets when they had a perfectly good planet right in front of them.  Excuse me if I don't get out on the dance floor and do the Electric Slide. Dwarf Planet!  Did you know that's how they refer to me now?!"

Jeez.  You sound really bitter.  Listen, it really doesn't matter what they say about you as long as you feel good about yourself.  If you feel like a Planet on the inside, then, you're a planet.

"That sounds like some bullshit that your Mom would tell you after you didn't make the soccer team!"

Hey!  Leave my mother out of this!

"Rodney King!  Rodney King!!!"

What?

"I dunno, man.  I'm just so pissed off.  I thought maybe that would incite a Riot or something."

Yea.  Well that may be a tad inappropriate.

"Maybe I could get Rage Against the Machine to write a song about me.  You think you could set something like that up?"

Uhmmm....Yea, sure, I'll see what I can do.  Hey listen, Pluto, it's been a real treat, you know, talking with you and all, but I really gotta get going and....

"Oh sure, sure, sure.  I get it.  Sure. Go on.  Dismiss me just like they did!  I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!!"

Yea.  Okay then.  See you around.

"Attica!  Attica!  Attica!"

Dude.  Attica?  Really?

"I'm as mad as Hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!!!"

Oh, shut the fuck up already.

(source)