Project Runway Recap: "The Art of Fashion"

Previously: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Currently: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

(In other news, the mouse and keyboard of my MacBook are officially, completely fucked. The cursor keeps jumping around and deleting whole chunks of text and moving shit around and I have a date with the Genius Bar but in the meantime please to excuse any typos and/or formatting weirdness I may have missed. I blame sabotage by Peanut Butter & Jelly Fingers . Children! Kids! Monsters.)

(THIS. Is Project Runway.)

Althea and Irina "aren't really speaking" on account of last week's Runway ChunkySweaterGate. Irina snots that she won't say anything behind your back that she won't say to your face, and clearly THESE PEOPLE prefer that she only say stuff behind their backs. OR! OR! There's this third option, Irina, where you simply refrain from talking shit about i, behind or in front of their backs. But. You know. Whatever.

Final pre-Fashion-Week challenge! Christopher and Gordana are in a race to the decoy collection. Sigh. Such suspense.

The designers meet Tim in front of the J. Paul Getty Museum, where the mayor of L.A. meets them. Good to know the dude had nothing better to do.

They all tour the museum, looking for inspiration.

Christopher: There's so much to see and...not touch.

Althea is inspired by the, like, OMG, building as a whole. Carol Hannah zeros in on an ornate French bed. Irina chooses "Mischief and Repose" by John William Godward, while Christopher settles on an outdoor fountain. Gordana goes with a Monet.

They have a budget of $300 and 30 minutes to shop. Gordana has an armful of...oh, God, gray fabric. YOU GUYS. COLOR. IT EXISTS. LOOK INTO IT. Irina finds some fur, though she doesn't know exactly what animal gave up its skin for reality TV. Sheared rabbit? She guesses, until Tim points out that oh, honey dumbass, it's too big to be a rabbit. Methinks Irina might be like the celebutards who think their Uggs come from sheep who just shed their wool, like doggies and stuff.

Blah blah blah the girls are bitches and Carol Hannah is as over all of them as I am. I think I want her to win it, though I can't remember a season where I was invested less in the final outcome.

Tim Time!

Christopher's dress is gray. With stalactite-y triangles of sadness.

Tim loves Carol Hannah's bed o' inspiration, but audibly shrieks at the idea of adding draping frickfrack across the bodice. 

Tim does not like Irina's design, particularly her roadkillesque, not-rabbit fur thing. He does not like it at all.

Tim also does not like Althea's complicated construction method, as it looks quite puckery and troublesome.

On the other hand, he LOVES Gordana's gown. He is impressed, and Gordana cries and talks about love and spirituality and the judges and her soul and sob. Yep. She's gone, you guys.

Blah blah blah bitch dramz construction sewing omg. Seriously, they sew and snipe at each other and stress out and that's the entire middle arc of the episode.

(Oh God. The commercials for Precious DESTROY ME. I am scared of that movie. I do not believe I have enough tears for that movie, and would be all shriveled up on the theater floor by the end, like a salted slug amongst the popcorn remnants.)

Runway Time!

We have no Duchess, though we do have Nina, and we also have Cindy Crawford, who may actually look even more gorgeous than ever. I'm gonna go, like, eat some cheese. And carbs. And inject Old Age Grease directly into my forehead.

And wait! It's a double elimination challenge! So no decoy collection after all! Such a surprise, except...not.

Althea's is "a bit of a mess fest," per Heidi. She bit off more than her admittedly limited construction skills could handle, and it shows, especially in the top that appears to have been attached at the last minute with some scotch tape and gum.

They ask Irina's model to take off the Macy's Accessories Wall, of which she was wearing a good 70% of. Styling = TERRIBLE. Skirt length = TERRIBLE. Color = OMG, IT'S VAGUELY TINTED HOORAY. It's probably the harshest judging she's gotten all season, though it's no THAT CROTCH IS INSANE or anything. I didn't think the dress itself was that bad during my initial viewing, but now, looking at the still photos? I kind of loathe it, particularly the bottom half, paired with those shoes. (By the way, since both the judges and I missed this last week, take a look at Tom and Lorenzo's close-ups of the busted-ass construction on her tapestry dress. Irina may get a pass on the bitchery because she has the skills to back in up, but holy hell, I think lesser designers from past seasons who eat her for breakfast.)

Gordana again made a lovely dress, and it's probably the best thing that came down the runway last night, in terms of construction AND seeing the inspiration in the final result. Though at certain angles, the colors and shading on the front are a bit unfortunately reminiscent of a vulva. The judges are pretty pleased with it, except from the back, which is completely plain, and they question whether Gordana took any risks. The thing is, she could have COMPLETELY knocked it out of the park this week and still probably would have gone home as punishment for all her previous appearances in the bottom three.

Carol Hannah also gets dinged for playing it safe, and I agree. That bed was outrageous and awesome...this dress has been done. Several times. By Carol Hannah. I wonder if she took Tim's advice to edit it down a little too far. Also, I get that you don't need to be literal but...why no blue? I mean, here's the bed:

 

I think she could have done a lot more. Eh.

Christopher's dress is a rehash of all the same elements he uses every week: the bodice is from the movie challenge, the skirt is from...every other challenge, all tied up with a sad puckery sash and the wrong fabrics that don't move correctly and I swear, he ALWAYS forgets to leave room for high heels in his hemlines. There's a whole breathy sobbing segment here that I am pointedly ignoring.

Irina is in. Christopher is out. Carol Hannah is in. Althea is in. Gordana is out, which is frankly, bullshit. They've sent four and even five designers to Bryant Park before, and she won this challenge. Even if they didn't declare her the winner (they didn't declare ANYONE the winner, which is oh-so-telling). SHE OBVIOUSLY WON, but the producers wanted the trifecta of Pretty Young Things in the finale and were going to bend all the rules and common sense and precedent to make sure that happened. No, I don't think Gordana would have won the whole thing, but I do think she deserved to be at Bryant Park, because you can't just throw out the results of the final challenge because your favorites crash and burn and the wrong person excels.

Next time: Bryant Park! And the end of our Fall Season of Discontent, thank God.

Comments

[cursingmama]

I will miss Christophers beaming xeon headlight like smile during the runway just before he crumbles like an old cheap cookie.

Dear Bravo - steal my show back. ok thx bye

[Mouse]

I was totally eating cheese while reading this recap!

Also, I think it has to be said: sheared beaver!

[Laura]

Gordana's dress=vulva. I had the EXACT same thought. Glad I was not the only one. It was very Georgia O'Keeffe-esque in that way.

[BaltimoreGal]

I think I heard Christopher say he was from a small time once or ten million times but what kind of museums do they have there?

[mj]

It's like they've stopped pretending that the producers don't fix the results every time. And can I just say that I was only slightly mad that the three finalists showed up on Regis & Kelly this morning before I watched the episode, because that meant I didn't have to pay too much attention when I did watch it?

[GGR]

WTF they outsed Gordana. WTF?! HOW did that happen. God damn it. Worst season of Projo ever. EVER. EVEREVEREVER.

I was so not into it, so much infact that after megavideo timed out (I watched grey's anatomy first) I went and did other things waiting for the 54min to pass.... and then when I started reading this and wondering ooo I wonder what Amalah thought of the finalists I realised I never finished watching. So yeah, not a very gripping season.

Also, I am glad Sobby McCry is gone. But SO NOT HAPPY about Gordana.

Again, wtf?

[michele]

i tweeted "giant Scandinavian rabbit" as best tim gunn quote ever. (maybe not ever, but this season)

gordana totally should have won and gotten to show at bryant park. bah.

irina's was outright ugly. i thought the best was when cindy crawford is all it would be better with all that stuff and irina takes it off and then IT IS WORSE and they stammer a little and say "uh, yea, simpler." haaaaaa. terrible. her worst ever. disaster.

heidi hates men that cry. future male contestants please take heed.

[tonya]

Christopher saying he is from a small town is BS, Shakopee is a suburb of Minneapolis. Pretty sure he could wander over to the U of M Art Museum at any time for some inspiration.

I am so happy this season is almost over and I don't have to watch Christopher's whiny half cry in the opening credits reminding us (ONCE AGAIN!) that this is his dream.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

"I think I want her to win it, though I can't remember a season where I was invested less in the final outcome."

I feel exactly the same way about her. She is the least offensive of the mundane.

[die Frau]

I'm with everyone, especially Amalah's analysis of wanting the "pretty girls" at Bryant Park and out-ing Gordana. Her stuff is gorgeous and this week Irina's dress looked like a big ol' floaty MESS. Let's not touch Althea's this week. I guess overall Gordana's been in the bottom a few too many times, but yeah, she should've gone to Bryant Park. And my God, Cindy Crawford's more beautiful than ever. How does that happen?

Christopher cries more than I do, which is really saying something.

[funda62]

"I think lesser designers from past seasons who eat her for breakfast."

Exactly what I have thought all season. They've had weeks were the winners would have been the loser on previous seasons. Charlie's Angel hair girl's dress was just horrific this week and there is no way it should have carried her into Fashion Week. Just no.

Oh and I totally saw vulva.

[cindy w]

The vulva thing? Yes. OMG. So glad I'm not the only one.

[ikate]

So glad you called out that dress for looking like a vulva. My first reacation was "oh! that's pretty!" then it went quickly to "oh, does that look like..." and my husband pipes in "like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting! I thought her inspiration was a Monet?" But it was the prettiest thing on the runway.

Irina's dress was awful- just awful. There maybe a good dress in there somewhere but the proportions are way off.