Robert Pattinson is No Edward Cullen

Yes, I understand that Robert Pattinson IS Edward Cullen. I've seen Twilight, I read the internets, I can interpret IMDB, but what I am telling you is that Pattinson isn't the guy that wants to watch you sleep.

Robert Pattinson actually said:

"I can't think of a single romantic thing that I've ever done."

That is kind of disappointing, especially since Edward Cullen is the most romantic, dreamy, sparkly, fictional vampire ever.

But if you think about it Edward is super hot and airbrushed and almost 100 years old...

and Robert Pattinson always looks stoned and like he needs a shower.

And he is only 23 years old so that makes most of us dirty pervy Mrs. Robinsons* anyway.

And I can't speak for the rest of you guys, but if I were going to date a 23 year old I wouldn't really be in it for the cards and flowers. Would you?

I just skeeved myself out. Now I will go wash out my mind - with soap.

* My children are only five. I am barely interested in my daughter's boyfriends as friends. Mostly I just worry about accidentally feeding them a snack that they are allergic to or wiping their runny noses. Gross. Skeeved myself out again.

[source]

Comments

[JennC]

Coo-coo-ka-choo, baby. Coo-coo-ka-choo.

[Angela]

LOL, and that's why I actually try to avoid looking at photos of Pattinson while thinking "Edward." It's all a carefully laid illusion I like to keep pristine. And the unwashed and distinctly un-sparklyness of the real life guy just messes with the fantasy.

[Amanda]

I'm on the other side... I actually think the real Pattinson is hotter. That last photo..is not Edward...wow.

[Trilby]

drooling... *ahem* as you were. ;)

[Lori]

Now going to wipe the drool from my computer because of that last picture......

[Jeannine]

When did I become a dirty pervy middle aged woman lusting after a 23 year old!?! Yes I have! And yes I do worry about that nut allergy thing but the lusting is so much more fun than the worrying. Hey, what are you doing on 11/20? Wanna go to a movie?

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

We can go after the Wii party.

[Molly]

I just said a thing earlier on Twitter about why does Robert Pattinson always look hammered in publicity photos?

That said, I would be willing to shower with him. I'd just like to throw that out there, irregardless of the fact that it would make me the world's scariest cougar.

I'm just sayin'.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I love you, Molly.

[kelly]

I would totally spend a couple hours with WHOEVER that dude is in the last pic wrapped tightly between my legs. Just sayin.

[Katie Kat]

I simply DO NOT understand why people think this guy is hot. He's unattractive, and I bet he stinks (just looks like it). He is a dolt when he speaks and he's about as sexy and romantic as a cauliflower. Maybe he's just young and silly, but nothing about him inspires me to any level of "WANT." Too bad too, cuz I have a real THING for vampires!

[iambellaluna]

HA! Rob P does need a serious shower...and to back away from the bong. Or something..?