MamaPop™

Expect The Unexpected And The Unexpected Never Happens

With the usual dosage of pomp, and an extra shot of circumstance, American Idol's 8th season came to a thunderous close tonight.

The entire season was full of twists and turns.  Where the show lacked in talent this year, it made up for itself amply with surprises.  The first and possibly most noteworthy of which being that Mamapop let me post on their site. More than once.  Talk about lowering your standards.

And so, before I say one more word, I just wanted to say thank you to Amalah and Sweetney and these crazy kids who write here all the time.  I may have nightmares about your email distros for years to come, but I'll still miss you all.

And thanks to all their regular readers for patting my head and waiting me out.  It's over, I swear.

And for the record, I hate glitter and I think unicorns are weird.

And now, onto tonight's show.  Adam Lambert.......

American Idol Season 8 Episode 300

Last week on Idol, Alison Irehetta got sent home.  And I'm glad.  Because she's 16, and being 16 and a pop star just doesn't work out well for anyone.

I don't know who was more traumatized...her, or us.  Either way, at least we learned last week that America can learn from it's mistakes.

The thing with the beast that Idol has become is that makes us feel better about ourselves, in much the same was porn does.  It gives us reason to be more confident in the choices we've made in life, and more conscientious about the sorts of faces we're willing to make in mixed company.  Idol gives us a small window of opportunity in which to feel superior, even though most of us couldn't carry a tune in *this* bag.  But at this point in the show, once we're down to the final three, it stops being something silly and mockable and starts being a serious, hardcore competition.  And so we embark tonight, AI's 300th episode, on an eight day siege of America's hearts and minds, a battle of good against evil, of endurance in the face of crushing odds, an epic saga the likes of which the world hasn't seen since the Spartans faced the Persians and fought to the pain.

American Idol Season 8 Top 4: Jesus Christ, They're Superstars!

Last week on Idol, Matt went home.  Praise be to your deity of choice.  I'm going with the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

This week on Idol, nothing at all is going to be as good as Paula Abdul finally admitting that she has a drug problem.  Which is really sad for her, what with her new single coming out and her career finally re-launching.  I mean, there's no way she can survive this.  No one does.  Just look at how it took Rush Limbaugh down.

Oh, wait....

American Idol Season 8: Ratz Travel In Packs. Brats Sing In Them.

Last week on Idol, the pressure finally got to Anoop Desai and after he went missing from a few rehearsals, the token lesbian and the guy who touched Tupak once went to his apartment and found him dead in a pool of his own blood.  This week on Idol, my kids are still up.  Because it's 8pm and April and at 8 pm in April it is still fairly sunny out in that way that you know you've lingered entirely too long after the garden party but you haven't quite stayed long enough to interrupt the host and hostess's drunk-off-the-melted-frozen-margarita-leftovers sex.  I dare tell my kids to go to bed with that much sun in the sky, and they find creative new ways to tell me to piss off.

So this isn't guaranteed to make so much as a lick of sense.  Like it ever does.

*Breaking news flash!*  Reports are rolling in that Paula Abdul was involved in a hit and run accident on her way to the Fox Theater earlier this afternoon.  Reports indicate that during her commute from LaLa Land to the Fox Theater in Hollywood, when Ms. Adbul's tricycle failed to yield at a school bus crossing in Townsville, USA she ran dead smack into Blossom Puff.  Blossom' was last spotted splattered all over the front of Paula's dress.  

American Idol Season 8 Top 7

Last week on American Idol, I was reallyreally drunk in a bar in Los Angeles when I was supposed to be watching Matt Giraud getting served his walking papers.  In a impressive display of karma's favorite dance move she likes to call Retribution, my passport was stolen by a pair of teal shoes, I caught strep throat from a baby who made three calls from my cell phone at 35,000 feet and Matt got a Get Out Of Jail Free card for the week.  Hell hath no fury like an overrated reality TV show scorned.

This week on Idol, it's casual Tuesday and we're stuck with Matt for yet another poorly-Timberlaked week.  The theme is disco and the weekly mentor is non-existent.  I got to wondering why and so I hit pause on the PVR, zipped to the airport and headed off to interview the Disco Greats of the world.

American Idol and Hollywood Unite in Borefest

Mr. Lady is not available for her usual American Idol recap.  The Palinode will be donning the hazmat suit and antigrav boots this week.

Last week on American Idol the kids took on songs from the year of their birth, which meant that the lamest power ballads of the eighties were hauled out for enjoyment.  Oh hai high school, you sucked the first time around.  The show ran eight minutes over, causing DVR users across the nation to kick their pets and head out to the bar, brokenhearted.  Also, Scott MacIntyre tried playing guitar, and for his presumption he was pushed into the giant Idol promotional vat of Coca-cola voted off the show and sent into the void of unwatched life.  I’ve seen those wastelands where former Idol contestants eke out their days, and it is not pretty.  And it’s off-Broadway.

We’re left with seven survivors bachelors contestants:

Fieldberry-haired Allison Iraheta
The magnificently endowed (eyebrow-wise) Anoop Desai
‘Guy who’s going to win this thing so why are we watching’ Adam Lambert
‘Murderable Matt’ Giraud (I swear that was his nickname in high school)
Regular breather Danny Gokey
Pulse haver Kris Allen
Actually good Lil Rounds

This week the plucky gang takes on music from the movies.  Expect an hour of midtempo porridge sweetened with the raisins of soulful howling.

Yes, this is the cross-promotional pimptastic orgy known as American Idol.  Cue cheesy graphics.

American Idol Season 8 Operation Piss Off Gen X. All Of It.

Last week on Idol, Megan Joy went home.  Her bio on the AI site quotes her as saying that what she thought made a great performer was passion.  I'd say that, and not looking like a thrift store jewelry case.  Oh, and talent.

This week on Idol, Paula is wearing a strapless dress for the third week in a row and her back is pouring out of the top of her dress for the third week in a row.  It's all I can look at. And those crazy kids are performing songs from the year they were born. 

This should be oodles of fun.

American Idol Season 8, The Top 9 Sing The Top 40. And It Made Jesus Cry.

Last week on Idol, Michael Sarver went home to begin his career as Brett Favre's stunt double. This week on Idol, Paula is wearing a strapless pinata with a rock candy necklace. I already hate this night.

American Idol Season 8: Someone Call PETA

Last week on Idol, Alexis Grace was sent home after Randy Travis decided that town wasn't big enough for the two bobbleheads.

This week on Idol, Paula is wearing her poodle.