As long as there are people with bad ideas and it is legal to outfit other people with bad ideas with tattoo guns, we will have bad tattoos, and, man, are there some bad tattoos out there. Even Hayden Panettiere's got one. I feel for her, though, because I, too, had a brain fart in my youth, and now I've got my own slightly embarrassing butt tattoo. Here, let me show you it...
What is going on with Asians in the media lately? First Jon Gosselin, formerly loving husband and doting dad-of-eight, becomes douchebag of the year and the biggest reason to hate Ed Hardy. Then Mayumi Heene, mom to Balloon Boy, is accused of perpetrating a hoax along with her crazy-ass husband. Hello! Konnichi-wa! Can my people get a PR makeover, please?
When it first premiered a couple of years ago, I have little doubt that I wasn't alone in instantaneously writing off The Big Bang Theory. Two nerds do their awkward thing, hot neighbor moves in, one of them pines for her with aching, unrequited passion... hilarity does not ensue.
Surprise: as it turned out, it was funny.
And by a "second", I of course mean "a good 45 minutes" in Biggest Loser two-hour bloated-ass episode time. If I really want to capture the spirit of this show, I'll go ahead and repeat this entire opening bit after the jump, just like they do after each and every commercial break. Quick! Show me the last 30 seconds that I just saw a minute ago! I cannot remember! Dr. Rob says all my body fat has settled in my skull and is destroying my memory.
I thought I knew how it worked.
I thought I had a handle on our basic hopes and dreams: live a little, work a little, make a whack of money if possible, and die happy.
Then I heard a Katy Perry song in a record store, and I understand how I wrong I was. But first I will tell you about the time in 2004 I went to Vegas.
A rough day. Disappointment. Some shouting. Going too far. Slamming doors. Desperate escape from life. Sometimes, it's really hard to face how alike childhood and adulthood are.
Dear Ralph Lauren:
There has been a great deal of press surrounding your ex-employee Fillipa Hamilton, the model who was photoshopped to a ridiculous degree and then summarily fired for being too fat. I have to wonder aloud why someone who is 5'10 and 120 pounds can ever be considered overweight, as a BMI of 17, which Ms. Hamilton has, is actually considered underweight. By a lot. But that's not the world of modeling, right? Of course not. I should just go about my business and let you fire women who dare to have even a modicum of realism to their figures.
Bullshit.
In a stunning piece of news that might've slipped beneath your usually impeccable radar, it's October. I'm not even kidding — you could look it up. In even more stunning news, the end of October means Hallowe'en, a night of trick-or-treating fun and stupid-ass parents who like to pretend they're stuffed scarecrows sitting in a chair next to the front steps until some cute little kid comes along and suddenly they jump up and scream bloody terrifying murder and scare the living bejeezus out of some sweet boy or girl who's been waiting all year to go out as a fairy princess or Superman. I fucking hate those parents.
What were we talking about? Oh, right... Hallowe'en, October... blah blah blah. More pertinently, October is the month where all right-thinking Americans (and the occasional right-thinking Canadian) choose to celebrate the dimming of the day and the fleeting popular embrace of ghosts, witches, demonic were-creatures and other critters not usually welcomed into genteel society by engaging in the time-honored tradition of watching lots and lots of horror movies. Why? Because, unlike children, we can make the conscious choice to be scared — because we understand and experience it as entertainment, as 90 minutes of escapist fun that frees us from the dreary bonds of our day-to-day and provides us with the vicarious thrill of gambling with our lives.
Because I am a frazzled working mom, I'm often way behind on seeing movies with smaller releases. This obviously applies to documentaries since I'm not in a huge release market and these things tend to fly through theaters anyway.
Thankfully, Netflix (and other such services) exist, so I'm able to catch up on some of the awesome stuff that I miss. Most recently, I rented and adored two documentaries that are about subjects so very micro that they're almost ridiculous: Helvetica (the font) and Donkey Kong.
My mother always says if you can't say something nice, don't say anything but she's a dumb, lazy whore so why should I listen to her? (Get it? I'm NOT doing what she says and calling her a whore so that's double funny for anyone keeping score at home.) Any way... I saw Couple's Retreat this weekend and only saying nice things about it is like a Battle of the Network Stars, and on the ABC Team is Mr.T, and Michael Knight, and Murray from Riptide, and my team is the PBS team and all we have is Grover, and that claymation Davey kid from the religious show that was on before Sesame Street, and Jordie LaForge with eyes from Reading Rainbow so it's pretty much an uphill battle, is my point.
Welcome to MamaPop's not-inaugural video roundtable! This week, the ginormous brains of MamaPop talk about their favourite childhood breakfast cereals. In the process we uncover the bitter truth about the powerlessness and anomie of children. Also, no one mentioned porridge.
The MamaPop video roundtable is a weekly round-up of opinions and noodling from all the MamaPoppers in which we attempt to answer en masse your questions about pop culture. Don't forget: we want to hear from you. Get your speak on in the comments. And keep the questions coming.
Spike TV, a division of MTV Networks that has made itself synonymous with blood, beer, and babes, has staked out some strong territory in the American television market. Its violent and misogynist programming can be found piping bone-crunching, blood-letting UFC gore into bars across the continent to the cheers of the alcohol-steeped masses. Few stations have been able to garner so much free advertising to such a cognitively submissive crowd, and so it comes as no surprise that Spike TV and its online arm have muscled their way into 98 million homes.
If you are at all familiar with Spike TV, it will also come as no surprise to you that this makes me more than a little stabby.
Here are the top 5 reasons why Spike TV can kiss my sweet ass:
Gourmet magazine announced earlier this week that it would cease publication after nearly 70 years in print. I wasn't a regular reader of the magazine since I could never understand why fifteen steps were required to make a scrambled egg, but I would pick it up occasionally if I wanted to get more adventurous and cook up something that required exotic ingredients and fancy gadgets. I think I remember a recipe that called for the use of a food mill, a nutmeg grater, a stapler and a pound of butterflies and it was delicious.
Not surprisingly, Gourmet's publisher Condé Nast blamed the magazine's demise on the tough economic climate. But how to explain the survival of some other more obscure publications that seem to be weathering our economic downturn? Yes, rest easy - you'll still be receiving your issues of Miniature Donkey Talk in the mail and your Girls and Corpses magazine subscription won't be running out anytime soon either.
Here's a rundown of some choice titles that have managed to outlive Gourmet at the newsstand:
We all have toys we weren't allowed to have when we were kids, right? And sometimes we think the rationale behind our parents' decisions to deprive us of the latest toy and, therefore, a modicum of playground cred, were probably well-reasoned. But in other cases, twenty years later, you still want to say, "WTF, parental units? Why couldn't I have Garbage Pail Kids trading cards?"
We start out running with a FAIL: I *think* I understand why CBS Monday has created the schedule it runs, and I'm not happy about it. The schedule sandwiches two positively dreadful shows (Accidentally on Purpose and Two And A Half Men) between How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory, which are fantastic shows. That way, you tune in at 8 for HIMYM, and stick around through the two bad shows to watch BBT at 9:30.
Pretty sneaky, sis, but I'm not happy about it. Let's see what else is going on in the new season thus far; Win vs. Fail style!
*Disclaimer:* This article describes sexual violence that may be triggering to some readers.
Now let's say you're Whoopi Goldberg. Well, then I guess your answer is something like, "it wasn't 'rape-rape.'" Interesting.
Fine, it wasn't really "A New Hope", but it did have an Obi-Wan/Yoda type hero. This episode was full of stars and this post is full of spoilers so if last night's Top Chef is unwatched on your DVR you might want to wait until tomorrow to read this.
Vivre Las Vegas, bitches.
The high stakes Quickfire was high stakes indeed.
MAMAPOP IS SMART POP CULTURE ANALYSIS, COMMENTARY, MERCILESS FUN-MAKING AND OTHER SUNDRY AWESOME, DISHED UP DAILY BY PARENTS, FOR PARENTS, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT PLAYTIME IS BETTER WITH VODKA. PLEASE TO ENJOY. READ MORE...
