MamaPop™

WTF Times Three: Johnny Depp Is the Sexiest Man Alive, Fish Are Being Eaten That Are Still Breathing, and Anissa Mayhew Had a Stroke

I woke up this morning to three pieces of news that made me just want to crawl right back into bed. Johnny Depp has been named Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine, people have taken to eating deep-fried fish while the fish are still struggling to breathe on their plates, and Anissa Mayhew suffered a stroke yesterday.

I think the universe needs to go back on its anticonvulsants.

I Might Pick Watching Jon Gosselin Over This

So, it seems Heidi and Spencer aren't content acting like the worst-matched couple in reality-television history on "The Hills" alone each week and would prefer to "branch out" to a show of their very own. Because, OH YES, that's precisely what this world needs: a little more Heidi and Spencer.

Top Five Reasons I Want to Punch Cartoon Network in the Junk

My son discovered Cartoon Network somewhat by accident and most likely well before the general recommended age. My 80-year-old grandmother-in-law was babysitting him one day when he was about 5 years old and stumbled upon the channel. Not being the most media-savvy lady, she made the logical conclusion that cartoons = quality kids' programming. My kid was hooked.

Guilty Plea In Balloon Boy Saga

On Friday, Balloon Boy's parents plead guilty.  Which really, wasn't any big surprise once his mom confessed.  What is more surprising is that they ever thought they would get away with it in the first place.

Top Chef Recap: All Stars Dinner

Come on, Top Chef! Why do you mess with me so? I turned on my television last night ready and waiting to see Padma ordering room service. I saw the teaser last week. I knew what was coming.

But no, I was slapped down. Instead you gave me a reunion show. Well, sort of a reunion show, but less coherent. You called it the All Stars Dinner.

Fresh Hell: Mall Cop Director to Remake Short Circuit

Here's some input I didn't really need: Steve Carr, the d-bag responsible for Paul Blart: Mall Cop, has been signed by Dimension Films to direct a remake of Short Circuit, the 1986 sci-fi-lite flick in which a robot out-acted Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy, which is almost an impressive feat.

Balloon Boy Saga Ends In Criminal Charges

 
So here's the thing.  I actually missed the whole balloon boy saga.  I was busy at my real life day job and got on twitter that night and was all huh?  Balloon boy?  WTF? 

So, for those of you like me, here is the two second recap: The Heene family, who had previously appeared on Wife Swap, which immediately brings their judgment into question, reported that their 6 year old son floated away in an inflatable helium flying saucer like thingie.  The nation and twitter becomes riveted.  Except: not so much.  Child was found hiding in a cardboard box in the rafters of the family's garage.

At first the public sentiment was "those poor parents, they thought their kid floated away and he was in the garage?  That is terrible."  And then it turned to "um, that doesn't really make sense."  And now it is at "LIARS.  HOAX.  CHARGE THEM."

And that is where we now are.

An Open Letter To Ralph Lauren: Women Are Not Bratz Dolls

Dear Ralph Lauren:

There has been a great deal of press surrounding your ex-employee Fillipa Hamilton, the model who was photoshopped to a ridiculous degree and then summarily fired for being too fat. I have to wonder aloud why someone who is 5'10 and 120 pounds can ever be considered overweight, as a BMI of 17, which Ms. Hamilton has, is actually considered underweight. By a lot. But that's not the world of modeling, right? Of course not. I should just go about my business and let you fire women who dare to have even a modicum of realism to their figures. 

Bullshit.

Miss Homeless Belgium, In Which the Losers Remain Homeless

The recent Miss Plastic Hungary pageant that required that its contestants have had extensive plastic surgery threw me for a bit of a loop, because it just seems strange to publicly reward women for disliking their own physical appearance. Oh, wait. We do that all the time. North America came up with The Swan, which required that its contestants also be emotionally scarred enough to agree to on-camera therapy beamed into millions of American households, so who am I to judge?

What definitely threw me for a loop is that, right on the heels of Miss Plastic Hungary, it was announced that Therese Van Belle, 58, is the winner of the Miss Homeless Belgium pageant.

Glee Dissed By NBC/Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

I have a brand new reason to not watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. NBC had a hissy fit when they realized that the cast of Glee (a FOX show) was supposed to perform during the spectacle.

It wasn't like I needed another reason not to watch. I freaking hate parades, and now I kind of hate NBC. I see their point, Glee airs at the exact time as  Law and Order: SVU. I guess NBC thinks that if the people who are still interested in sex crimes after all these years of Law and Order might be drawn away to another network by people in their mid to late 20's pretending to be in show choir.

Miss Plastic Hungary is Real, Well Sort Of

If you live in Hungary and really want to be in a beauty pageant but you are ugly - or even slightly sub-standard looking, fear not, there is an event just for you.

Well, fear not if you have piles of money.

The Miss Plastic Hungary pageant actually requires that a contestant has had extensive surgical enhancement to qualify.

Oh how I wish I were making this up.

Mel Gibson Retroactively Sober; Anti-Semitic Rant Still Going Strong

We've always thought of Hollywood as a magical land of make-believe, where dreams come to life and anything that can be imagined can be made real on the screen. But in a stunning new twist that seems to defy the generally acknowledged laws of the space-time continuum, Mel Gibson has suddenly and miraculously gone back in time and stopped himself from driving drunk.

As MamaPop's Jodifur reported only a week ago, onetime idol of millions Gibson has been seeking to have his DUI expunged from the legal record, as is apparently the right of first-time DUI convictees who manage to make their way successfully through court-ordered meetings and public service. On Tuesday, that wish was granted by a California judge.

NBA Bans/Restricts Twitter Use

The National Basketball Association established new guidelines restricting the use of social media sites like Twitter by its players and banning the use of such sites during games.

Debra Tate Says Roman Polanski's Rape of a Drugged, 13-Year-Old Girl Was Consensual

Debra Tate, sister to Roman Polanski's late wife Sharon Tate, went on television this morning to let everyone know that Polanski didn't really rape Samantha Geimer in 1977, telling Matt Lauer on the Today show this morning that "it was rape, but it wasn't rape."

Phew! Well, that just clears everything up, doesn't it?

I have this weird idea that a 13-year-old girl is still a minor and that she is not of an age to give consent to vaginal and anal intercourse while under the influence of drugs and alcohol during what is supposed to be a professional photo shoot. Debra Tate, on the other hand, pulls her card as a victims advocate and says that, in Samantha Geimer's case, she could. Seriously. If you don't believe me, here is Debra Tate's interview with Matt Lauer:

"Internet Addict" Is Latest Diagnosis For Loser

FREEZE! DROP THE MOUSE! STEP AWAY FROM THE RED X!

Because you're busted. You're on the internet. Caught red-handed. Stop lying. It makes you look stupid. This post is on the internet. Cyber entrapment? Maybe. But you're here nonetheless. Back in the webs, little fly.

Do you see the picture above? The internet emits addictive rays that addict you in addiction. And yet here you are, thinking it'll never happen to you.

After the jump, print this out and get off the internet, you weak-willed slave who lacks moral fiber.

The VMAs: Win Vs. Fail, When Win = New Moon Trailer And Fail = Kanye

Whooooooooa buddy, were the VMAs out of control this year. By now everyone's heard about Kanye's douchebaggery, but trust me, that wasn't the only OMG moment, by far. There were a lot of missteps at the VMAs, as there are every year, but there also were some highlights, so let's go through the show and dissect the chaos, shall we?

Jon & Kate-Inspired Pr0n Exists. Commence Barfing Now.

Thankfully, the pr0n in question is not of the estranged Gosselins. Not yet, anyway. But you know with their meteoric rise to "fame" a sex tape is due any day now.

No, the *ahem* film that I'm referring to belongs to that mainstay of the adult film genre: the parody.