MamaPop™

Five Things That Tell The World You're No Longer Cool

Okay, just one: you throw a SpongeBob Squarepants party.

No, I don't care if it was for your one year old, Ashlee and Pete. The kid turned ONE. He doesn't know his Squarepants from his Huggies.

Jon Gosselin Just Might Have Redeemed Himself. A Little. Maybe.

This just in: Jon Gosselin might be a little bit more self-reflective than we think. Which is maybe not saying much, seeing as we - I - had thought that he wasn't at all self-reflective, but still. Check out this video from Funny Or Die - in which he spoofs and regrets his own douchey-single-dad-on-the-prowl persona - and tell me that he doesn't deserve just a teensy bit of credit for a smidge of self-reflectivity. And bonus cred for "DELETE MICHAEL LOHAN":

Céline Dion's In Vitro Second Pregnancy Did Not Take

Being one of the Canadian minority here on MamaPop, I feel that I am uniquely suited to talk about Céline Dion and how deeply apologetic a good number of us northerners feel that we allowed her and her saccharine brand of wailing celebrity to grow to prominence. Her fertility woes leave me feeling conflicted, though, because now I feel like I have to be nicer about her talent, which is really hard, because we Canadians have had to hear a lot more of her than anyone else, and my ears, they have suffered TWENTY YEARS of violation.

Personal conflict aside, though, it is sad to hear that Céline Dion's in vitro pregnancy has failed after she, 41, and her husband René Angélil, 67, made an excited announcement in August that she was pregnant with their second child.

Beyonce, What In God's Name Are You Wearing?

Talented, beautiful, and undeniably fabulous... So explain this outfit to me.

Speidi Transmogrify Themselves Into Jon & Kate Gosselin: How to Make Me Lose My Faith in Humanity in One Easy Step

Heidi and Spencer Pratt, aka Speidi, are one of two of the greatest traffic accidents going on reality television these days, and by "traffic accident", I mean that I love to watch The Hills just to see if Spencer is still wearing that completely ridiculous, oversized cowboy hat and if Heidi will invite the neighbour kid, Enzo, over for Spencer to throw golf balls at again.

It all just goes too far, though, when they are hybridized with reality television's other greatest traffic accident, Jon and Kate Gosselin.

Mel Gibson and Jon Gosselin Have Something in Common

Looks like Mel Gibson is a dad for the eighth time at the fresh young age of 53. Mel's Russian musician girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva (a name that never gets easier to type), reportedly gave birth to a baby girl this past Friday. 

Josh Duhamel Cheats On Fergie With Stripper

Remember the good 'ol days when the National Enquirer used to focus on crop circles and Jesus shaped french toast?  Now - after a string of verified breaking stories - when they report, people listen.  (Maybe you should take a second look at your breakfast after all.)

So when I read that the latest in philandering douche canoes was none other than His Royal Hotness Josh Duhamel...I sort of believe it.  It does have the ring of truth.  Especially since the stripper passed a polygraph. 

I Don't Give a Rat's Ass About Kate Hudson's Sex Life Do You?: A Poll

Every morning, while the maids are cleaning my house and my chef is preparing my favorite breakfast of tartines and café au lait, I like to peruse the online tabloids to see what all the other rich, famous people are up to. Usually I'll find an amusing story about Jon Gosselin to share at bridge, or a tragic bit about Lindsay Lohan that always reminds me to make sure the nanny is raising my kids right.

But today the story on the front page of every tabloid was about how much Kate Hudson loves sex. I don't really care about Kate Hudson's sex life, unless of course she's sleeping with my pool boy.

Gossip Rag Wednesday: Old News Edition

Fresh, new covers with dusty, old content! Whoo! Most of the tabloids this week seem to be reporting news that isn't actually news to anyone at all. Let's see exactly what we've got here.

Rosie O'Donnell and Kelli Carpenter Splitting Up...Maybe

"Nothing else will be said," announced Rosie O'Donnell's publicist regarding strong rumors that the comedian and her wife of five years were separating. The publicist did confirm that the couple are having issues and are working through them.

T.R. Knight and Mark Cornelsen Have Split

T.R. Knight, of Grey's Anatomy fame, is openly gay, which is rare in Hollywood, where gay male movie and television stars have often been cast in hyper-masculine movie roles and then paired with women on the red carpet. As much as Knight's homosexuality seems relatively normalized within the press, I never expected that his love life would be reported in the same way as straight celebrities, that it would not still be treated as less valuable. Well, my expectations have been surprisingly and pleasantly blown.

From The When Will This Ever End Files: Kate Responds To Jon, Says He's "Gone Way Off The Trail"

And what a trail it is.

SIGH.

So, as we were just saying - what, half an hour ago? - Jon Gosselin is trying to stop production of Kate & 8, and - presumable just because being a douche is so much fun - sucked a bunch of money out of Kate's bank account. Kate responded on the Today show this morning (video after the jump):

Jon Gosselin's Douchebaggery Stops Production Of Jon & Kate Plus 8

According to the Associated Press, Jon Gosselin today issued a cease-and-desist order to TLC demanding that they stop filming the popular trainwreck of a show.

Wow, what a shocker. This guy is full of surprises, no? phhhbbbtt.

Details are hazy regarding the specfics of the court order, but TLC is halting production of the show "pending further conversations" between the network and the Gosselins. Frankly, I think someone should have a conversation with Jon Gosselin about how to not be a total dickhead. Howabout having THAT conversation, huh TLC? HUH? grumble.

In response to this development, Kate Gosselin issued a statement saying: "It appears that Jon's priority is Jon and his interests... My priority remains our children and their well being." Oooh, BUUUUURRRN.

Is Mary Louise Parker a Man-Stealing Cougar?

I have to admit to having a certain amount of disdain for actors Billy Crudup and Claire Danes ever since Crudup dumped Mary Louise Parker to take up with the My So Called Life actress. This was back in 2003 and Parker was seven months pregnant with Crudup's baby at the time. I think I remember yelling, "Douchebag!" and "Homewrecker!" at the TV everytime I saw Crudup and Danes together, not attractive behavior when you've got young daughters in the house and whoo - when I changed his name on Wikipedia to Billy Crud-up-yer-ass that was a real low point for me.

Even though I wasn't a huge fan of hers, my sympathies were with Parker. How could that unfeeling clod Billy leave the mother of his unborn child? But now - oh say it ain't so - it looks like Mary Louise has gone and done to someone else what she got done to her. 

Justin Guarini Gets Married, Has Better Hair Than Bride

Remember Justin Guarini? He was that guy in the first season of American Idol with The Hair.

Justin Guarini was prettier than Kelly Clarkson, but she won, because even though he was pretty, he was only a mediocre performer, and she was Kelly Clarkson.

Anyway, he got married.

Are Justin Timberlake and Rihanna a Couple?

I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this but I am hearing rumors that Rihanna and Justin Timberlake are dating.

I am confused for several reasons.

1) I thought Rihanna got secretly married to Chris Brown. Not that this isn't still possibly true. I bet almost any priest would be willing to annul that nonsense.

2) I also thought Justin Timberlake was still dating Jessica Biel.

Do I Even Want to Know Why Khloe Kardashian is in a Rush to get Married?

About a month ago, in the midst of her sister Kourtney’s own (not really all that shocking) situation (pregnant; trying to bribe her babydaddy in to putting a ring on her finger), Khloe Kardashian began dating basketball player Lamar Odom. About four days ago, news broke that the happy couple had gotten engaged. Less than twenty-four hours ago, word hit the wire that the two are planning to tie the knot. Soon.

As in this Sunday.