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Robert Redford Marries Longtime Partner Sibylle Szaggars

Robert Redford, 71. and his longtime girlfriend, Sibylle Szaggars, 51, were married over the weekend in Hamburg, Germany.

Redford met Szaggars, an internationally recognized abstract painter (you can see her paintings on her personal website), at a Sundance Film Festival event in the 1990s, and Szaggars moved into his home in Utah in 1996.

Pastor Frank Engelbrecht of Hamburg's St. Catherine Church, chosen because of Szaggars' family's ties to his parish, officiated over Redford's second set of nuptials in front of 30 guests at the Louis C. Jacob Hotel on the bank of the Elbe river on Saturday.  The ceremony was performed in Szaggars' native German, as Redford is fluent in the language.

He is still so cool.

Tony Romo Dumped Jessica Simpson Because Of John Mayer?

Look, I'm not completely sure why I like Jessica Simpson (did I just say that?) but I think it's because she reminds me of a deer caught in headlights. Plus she's unlucky in love and her weird, over-involved manager Dad is creepy and both reasons make me sympathetic. Trust me, I don't get my feelings either but it's the same logic as feeling guilty about offending a stuffed animal: it makes no sense but there's no denying I feel bad when I have to put Teddykins in a drawer. Or is it just me that feels that way?

But back to poor Jessica who was recently dumped the night before her twenty-ninth birthday by her boyfriend of over a year, Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo. Apparently she was expecting an engagement ring but instead she got the "Welcome to Dumpsville, population you" telegram. Ouch. I once was dumped by a guy the day before Valentine's Day and I've always suspected he did it so he didn't have to buy a gift. Yup, I totally dated those kinds of guys.

Mel Gibson Directs Music Video for Girlfriend and I Say It's Got to be Love

Any fond memory of Mel Gibson's Mad Max and what he did for my teenage romanticism of the impending apocalypse began to evaporate when Mel went all crazy, but now it's completely disappeared after watching the music video he just directed for his current girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva. Full disclosure: Ms. Grigorieva is also pregnant with his eighth child. Oh how I miss the Cold War!

I figured I couldn't really comment on the video without actually watching the product of the love bird collaboration, so I watched it. There may have been extended pauses due to boredom but I've got to admit, I really didn't see the flaming keys coming. He really caught me by surprise there so way to keep the audience on their toes. Actually, I'm not sure who the target audience is for this thing, but I'm pretty sure it's not teenagers. Or fans of Apocolypto.

Is Kristen Stewart carrying Robert Pattinson's Love Child?

As any purveyor of gossip knows: belly bloat equals pregnancy especially when the owner of said belly bloat is Bella and the rumored poppa is Edward.

Since Twilight graduated from my bedside fodder to celluloid, even my poor mom knows that Robert Pattinson is said to be knockin' boots with Kristen Stewart. And granted dude does give off some mighty fine chemistry even though in my opinion, Kristen's Bella was a wooden as this here spoon I'm using to stir tonight's dinner.

Amber Rose Dumps Kanye At Diddy's

Like, OMG. Did you hear who Amber Rose was making out with at Diddy’s White Party on Saturday night? I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t Kanye.

(I totally feel like I’m back in the hallowed halls of high school, gossiping about which cheerleader the quarterback’s banging this week, and you know what? I’m okay with that.)

Can We Please Have Some New Celebrities?

*yawn*

 Oh, hi guys. Sorry I'm so sleepy, but I have been reading and researching celebrity gossip to bring you NEW and EXCITING gossip tidbits with snarky commentary about all the celebrities' trainwreckiness. But you know what? I'm pooped out on these people on all these magazines and websites I've been poring over. Exhausted. It seems it's all the same shit about the same 10-15 people. Jacko, obvs, is dominating the media so much that I'm pretty sure TMZ.com would rename themselves TMJ.com if that didn't stand for lockjaw. But beyond a MJ's sudden death catapulting him back into celeb news, it's all the same stuff in the land of gossip: Jon and Kate, Speidi, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, Brad and Angelina, some band called the Jonas Brothers? (I dunno, I don't watch Nickelodeon or whatever.) I grow weary of these people and their lives.

I think we need some new celebrities to talk about already, don't you? I have some suggestions after the jump.

Kate Moss and a Jonas Brother Get Engaged

I woke up this morning and everyone got engaged. Well, not everyone, just Kate Moss and one of the Jonas Brothers.

No, silly, not to each other. Kate Moss is almost old enough to be the Jonas Brothers' mom. In fact she was 18 when Nick was born, so there is that.

Oh, you wanted to know who they are going to marry?

Kid Rock and Kellie Pickler Dating... Who'da Thunk It?

Well I wouldn't have imagined this celebrity coupling ever existed but apparently it's been well known in the Nashville circles (which I'm obviously not privy too) that Kid Rock and Kellie Pickler have been dating for well over a year. I'll let that one sink in while I finish this here grit sandwich.

Eddie Van Halen Got Married (Again)

On Saturday Eddie Van Halen tied the knot with stunt women and girlfriend of three years, Janie Liszewski.

Yes, I said stunt woman. It is a real job! She did stunts for Spiderman 2 and Along Came Polly.

Okay, but good for the couple. I am happy for them. There were several unusual things about the wedding: the groom wore flip flops, the bride walked in to a VH tune, the non-alcoholic open bar, the bride was given away by her mother and a dog (or the dog was just watching or something like that), Van Halen's ex-wife, Valerie Bertinelli, was a guest, they had wax lips as a take away, but here is the part that I find the most surprising -

Rachel Hunter / Jarrett Stoll Wedding Called Off

Former supermodel and current reality television regular, Rachel Hunter and L.A. Kings center, Jarrett Stoll have called off their wedding.

Or it would appear that Jarrett Stoll has called off the wedding.

Or at least that is what he said in the e-mail.

Yes, this douchebag hockey player called off his wedding seven weeks before it was supposed to happen in an e-mail to his fiancee.

Marilyn Manson: Nothing Says "I Love You" Like a Sledgehammer to the Skull!

It's 2009 and Marilyn Manson still tugs at the teat of shock. Manson is a good musician, a good shocker, but I've long discounted shock as art because even monkeys can throw feces. it's just, meh.

In his latest interview with Spin Magazine he talks about the absurdity that anyone would blame him for the shootings at Columbine or the case of the student who, last month, walked into a classroom, ordered the teacher to say "hail Marilyn Manson," and then fired.

But that wasn't the biggest thing in his interview, no, it was his words on his uninspiring ex, the girl who copped Dita Von Teese's hard-to-emulate 50s look, Evan Rachel Wood.

Speidi Returning to 'I'm A D-List Attention Whore...Get Me Out Of Here!'

Did I get the title of that show right? Oh, silly me, I'm so bad with names. 

Yeah. They're back. Janice Dickinson is gone but Speidi are reportedly back on a plane to Costa Rica after quitting I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!, saying they were tortured and threatening to sue. When questioned about why they were going back given their terrible ordeals, Spencer and Heidi indicated that their very existence was in jeopardy: since no one had talked about them for the last four days, they started to sort of fade away like Marty McFly in Back to the Future does when he alters his parents' past too much. Okay, they didn't really say that, but it's one theory. 

They're never going away, are they? No. They are the mutant cockroaches of D-list celebrities and will outlive us all.

Kate Hudson's influence over Alex Rodriguez

Last year's fling between Madonna and Alex Rodriguez always struck me as an insane coupling of celebs. I was far more comfortable when those two went their separate ways although, post A-Rod, Madonna's hook-up with Jesus Luz and the inherent biblical implications were difficult to block out.

Regardless, Alex has moved on and I'm no scientist, but I do believe that A-Rod has a thing for blondes (case in point: Madonna, Madam Kristin, and oh yes, the ex, Cynthia). These days, he is kicking back with Kate Hudson, though kicking back implies sitting around which these two aren't really doing.

Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal to Wed After 29 Years Together

Farrah Fawcett, 62, and Ryan O'Neal, 68, together since 1980 and pictured at left in younger days, have finally decided to tie the knot, according to an exclusive Barbara Walters' 20/20 interview with O'Neal.  The interview will air on ABC on Friday, June 26th.

Farrah, the actress who became an iconic sex symbol after the explosive popularity of the now world famous 1976 poster of her in an orange bathing suit, has been battling anal cancer since her diagnosis in 2006.  She has turned to both traditional and alternative treatments for her condition but is now reportedly beyond medical cure and is "...fighting for her life," O'Neal said.