MamaPop™

Robert Pattinson Might Sparkle, But He Also Stinks

Oh, RPatz. You crafty thing, you. Robert Pattinson has devised a plan to keep the paparazzi at bay, and it involves offending the shnozz. 

Five Things That Tell The World You're No Longer Cool

Okay, just one: you throw a SpongeBob Squarepants party.

No, I don't care if it was for your one year old, Ashlee and Pete. The kid turned ONE. He doesn't know his Squarepants from his Huggies.

What The Hell Is Leighton Meester Wearing?

First off, Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester apparently has a music career? Why is that happening? Second, please explain this outfit:

Oprah Will Stop Giving Away Cars in 2011

I have to say, as someone who used to be a big ole, stupid fan of Oprah's mid-afternoon talk show, this season has been...crazy disappointing. From Whitney! to Mackenzie Phillips! to Mike Tyson! to Sarah Palin! It's just one ratings stunt after the other. So, the "breaking" news that Oprah is taking a bow from her daytime show in 2011 (less than two years away), didn't disappoint me nearly as much as it once would have.

Sofía Vergara Makes a Rape Joke On The View, Crickets Ensue

Sofía Vergara, 37, was on ABC's The View yesterday morning to talk about her job with the show Modern Family and ended up further entrenching my belief that The View and its guests are in need of some sensitivity training when it comes to rape. First, we had the whole rape-rape/Roman Polanski/Whoopi debacle, and now we have Vergara, our normally beautiful and ever so endearing Vergara, joking about her son being the product of her rape at 13.

WTF Times Three: Johnny Depp Is the Sexiest Man Alive, Fish Are Being Eaten That Are Still Breathing, and Anissa Mayhew Had a Stroke

I woke up this morning to three pieces of news that made me just want to crawl right back into bed. Johnny Depp has been named Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine, people have taken to eating deep-fried fish while the fish are still struggling to breathe on their plates, and Anissa Mayhew suffered a stroke yesterday.

I think the universe needs to go back on its anticonvulsants.

Oprah Teaches Us All About This New Thing Called "Porn"

Yes. Oprah, yet again, with the help of "investigative reporter" Lisa Ling, teaches us about a completely new phenomenon. It's called PORN.

I Might Pick Watching Jon Gosselin Over This

So, it seems Heidi and Spencer aren't content acting like the worst-matched couple in reality-television history on "The Hills" alone each week and would prefer to "branch out" to a show of their very own. Because, OH YES, that's precisely what this world needs: a little more Heidi and Spencer.

Oh, Hai! Moddles Can Has Babeez!

I know, I know: Cindy Crawford was having babies way back before some of the current crop of model mamas were even born. So it's not like procreative models are anything new. But still: it seems like a lot of them are popping out progeny these days. I mean, Adriana Lima popped one just this weekend. And Karolina Kurokova popped one two weeks ago. 

Danny DeVito Gets Naked on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" Christmas DVD

I know, you are thinking "I could have sworn Sarah just said Danny DeVito was doing a nude scene" but I must have read that wrong or possibly I am dreaming.

But no. It happened. It is true. Danny DeVito is branching out. In his mid 60's he decided to do his first nude scene.

Flight Of The Conchords, Baby

So have you seen that episode in season two of The Flight Of The Conchords, the one with the lost epileptic dog, where Mel, the Conchords' megafan, imagines what the offspring of Bret and Jemaine - should they ever decide to couple up and procreate - would look like? And it's like a tiny little bearded and bespectacled Jebret. Or Bremaine. Or whatever you want to call it, that's not the point. It's just that it's hysterical.

It also has very little to do with the fact that Bret McKenziejust did, in real life, have a baby, but whatever. Lead-ins are lead-ins.

Jon Gosselin Just Might Have Redeemed Himself. A Little. Maybe.

This just in: Jon Gosselin might be a little bit more self-reflective than we think. Which is maybe not saying much, seeing as we - I - had thought that he wasn't at all self-reflective, but still. Check out this video from Funny Or Die - in which he spoofs and regrets his own douchey-single-dad-on-the-prowl persona - and tell me that he doesn't deserve just a teensy bit of credit for a smidge of self-reflectivity. And bonus cred for "DELETE MICHAEL LOHAN":

Shakira: I Don't Understand My Lyrics Either

Well this explains a lot. I mean, not that ANYTHING can fully explain the abomination that is Shakira's song "She Wolf," but, you know, baby steps.

Flashback Friday - Punky Power Edition

When I was in third grade, my idol was a spunky pigtailed orphan with mismatched shoes and a dog named Brandon the Wonder Dog.

Top Chef Las Vegas Recap: Episode 11, Strip Around the World

Before we begin out weekly Top Chef recap I would like to apologize for anything you read below that doesn't make sense. I caught my daughter's cold and then I walked around in the rain and then I went to an ice hockey game so I am currently all hopped up on goofballs. Cold medicine makes me silly.

Also, I don't think "Strip Around the World" is going to mean what I think it means, but a girl can always hope.

Let's get on with the show.

I Sort Of Didn't Mind Taylor Swift on Saturday Night Live. Hold Me.

So, I watched Taylor Swift host Saturday Night Live last weekend and I thought she did a pretty good job.

Of course, this is the kind of confession that's going to get me shunned by my peers, banned from certain websites and dropped by all my Twitter followers that aren't porn. (Thanks for sticking with me, '@Watch_me_ride_me_Misty.")

Britney Spears: "Glory to Satan!"

Ha ha, this is rich.