The Internet is abuzz this week with news of Rhianna's 20/20 and Good Morning America interviews (Jodi also wrote about Rhianna speaking out about her domestic violence experience here), the ones she's giving in conjunction with the release of her new album, Rated R. Now, on the eve of those media appearances, a few additional people are speaking out about what specifically happened to Rhianna and about domestic violence in general.
Well, well, so I was right. In a signed affidavit, Mayumi Heene, the mother of "Balloon Boy," admitted the whole nonsense was a hoax in order to get the family more media attention for a reality show. Dad still isn't talking.
Dear Ralph Lauren:
There has been a great deal of press surrounding your ex-employee Fillipa Hamilton, the model who was photoshopped to a ridiculous degree and then summarily fired for being too fat. I have to wonder aloud why someone who is 5'10 and 120 pounds can ever be considered overweight, as a BMI of 17, which Ms. Hamilton has, is actually considered underweight. By a lot. But that's not the world of modeling, right? Of course not. I should just go about my business and let you fire women who dare to have even a modicum of realism to their figures.
Bullshit.
The recent Miss Plastic Hungary pageant that required that its contestants have had extensive plastic surgery threw me for a bit of a loop, because it just seems strange to publicly reward women for disliking their own physical appearance. Oh, wait. We do that all the time. North America came up with The Swan, which required that its contestants also be emotionally scarred enough to agree to on-camera therapy beamed into millions of American households, so who am I to judge?
What definitely threw me for a loop is that, right on the heels of Miss Plastic Hungary, it was announced that Therese Van Belle, 58, is the winner of the Miss Homeless Belgium pageant.
I have a brand new reason to not watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. NBC had a hissy fit when they realized that the cast of Glee (a FOX show) was supposed to perform during the spectacle.
It wasn't like I needed another reason not to watch. I freaking hate parades, and now I kind of hate NBC. I see their point, Glee airs at the exact time as Law and Order: SVU. I guess NBC thinks that if the people who are still interested in sex crimes after all these years of Law and Order might be drawn away to another network by people in their mid to late 20's pretending to be in show choir.
If you live in Hungary and really want to be in a beauty pageant but you are ugly - or even slightly sub-standard looking, fear not, there is an event just for you.
Well, fear not if you have piles of money.
The Miss Plastic Hungary pageant actually requires that a contestant has had extensive surgical enhancement to qualify.
Oh how I wish I were making this up.
Okay, look: I like Obama as much as the next person. He's just super. But can I ask? What exactly did he do to earn the Nobel Peace Prize? He's been in power for less than a year. He hasn't stopped any wars. The world doesn't feel, really, any more peaceful than it did last October. So, what? Am I missing something? Blinded by my inherently peaceful Canadianness and so unable to recognize extraordinary peacefulness in others?
Because, seriously: "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples?" Haven't Angelina and Bono been doing that for a lot longer than Obama has? Also, somewhere, Bill Clinton is weeping, you just know.
No, really: I'm asking in all sincerity, and am open to being convinced (dull Canadian maple-syrup-addled political scientist that I am, I fully concede that I might be ignorant about some of the President's more extraordinary exploits.) Am I missing something? And, what do you think?
(Again - so that nobody cuffs me here - I love Obama, as much as a non-American can. I think he's great. And I think that he might well contribute in an extraordinary way to the building of world peace. I just don't think he's done it yet.)
(**ducks**)
Important breaking news: CNN reports that Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi were in an airplane that was landing at Hearst Castle in San Simeon, California, when their airplane hit a parked SUV.
Really. I know that it sounds like the beginning of a really stupid joke but apparently this actually happened.
On June 5, 2002 12-year-old Elizabeth Smart awoke to a knife to her throat. Nine months after being abducted by Brian Mitchell, Elizabeth was rescued. At the time of her homecoming her parents stated that they wouldn't pressure Elizabeth for details about her ordeal.
Now, seven years later, Elizabeth spoke openly and in great detail in a Utah courtroom.
The reason? Her abductor and rapist, Brian Mitchell, has still not been tried for his crimes. Why, you ask? (Or maybe yell. Like me.) Well, that would be because the Utah state court has inexplicably found Brian Mitchell incompetent to stand trial. TWICE.
No little girl should ever have to endure the things Elizabeth did and to have to relive those details, in front of her parents no less, seems like yet another violation. Yet, Elizabeth's testimony that Brian Mitchell kidnapped her for SEX, not because of RELIGION, is somehow critical to the case.
I'm no attorney, but I believe the correct legal term is "bullshiteas corpus".
I can't imagine what a tough decision it must have been for Elizabeth to share what she did...
*Disclaimer:* This article describes sexual violence that may be triggering to some readers.
Now let's say you're Whoopi Goldberg. Well, then I guess your answer is something like, "it wasn't 'rape-rape.'" Interesting.
When does the hurting stop? Why have we not risen as one to stop this plague of madness? And today, as we cope with tragedy, we must ask: how many lives must be lost before Kevin James is stopped from ever making a movie again?
Granted, it's not quite as wrenching as the events that took place in Chicago last July, when a perfectly innocent Sparklecorn was torn apart and eaten by an angry mob like something out of Tennessee Williams, but nevertheless I think I speak for all of humanity when I say that when a Kevin James movie kills a giraffe... society as we know it has gone too far.
This has been a big week for the Beatles. Their new game (see insanely cool commercial below) The Beatles: Rock Band is on the top of many a gift list and their entire UK catalog (plus Magical Mystery Tour and Past Masters) has been remastered and rereleased with a depth and a clarity that so many of us are missing in our lives right now. Yes, once again we have found ourselves in times of trouble and the Beatles come to us. Words of wisdom and all that.
Tom Brady is going to be a Dad - again. But this time he made a baby with his wife, Gisele Bundchen.
I know, it isn't nearly as gossip-worthy but I will tell you this - it dominates the news. Which isn't a big deal unless you are trying to find out if Brady is going to be starting for the Patriots on Monday Night Football.
The guy is listed as probable. This is a prob-a-lem since he is the starting quarterback on one of my fantasy football teams. Being the conscientious gambler fantasy football player that I am I tried to do research on the health of the man and I get this:
Here now the news...
Seth Meyers is only one man. And his hairpiece is pathetic.
Enter the Wiig.
Good evening, and what can I tell ya?
Kristen Wiig will be filling the empty co-anchor chair on SNL's Weekend Update. The seat was last sat on by one Amy Poehler who is no longer on SNL. However, Amy will sit in it again for at least two episodes of NBC's newest Thursday night hit comedy Weekend Update. No relation.
Jon Gosselin, the muse of Ed Hardy and bane of Kate Plus 8, has finally joined whatever century this is. Jon Gosselin is on Twitter. Next up, my mom.
That photo on the left? That a Twitpic. Believe it, baby.
Gosselin already has well over 13,000 followers which must make Ashton more than a little nervous. Guess how many people Jon is following. Go on, guess.
Do you like your religions fresh? Do you like the word of God dropped? What did you think of R.E.M.'s Radio Song?
If you answered any of the above questions then you are in luck. KRS-One is starting a new religion and it's both hip and hop. Introducing The Gospel of Hip Hop: The First Instrument, coming soon to a hotel dresser near you.
The tome is 600 pages about the divinity and spirituality of hip-hop, and according to Rev. One, "I'm suggesting that in 100 years, this book will be a new religion on the earth."
I know what you are thinking. You are thinking Sarah is crappy speller, canned has two "n"s. And while yes, I suck at spelling, this time I meant for there to be only one n. Malaysian model Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno* was not fired but she has been sentenced to a caning for drinking a beer in public.
That is actually vaguely old news as she was caught drinking (in a hotel bar) in Malaysia two years ago and she was sentenced to pay a fine of 5,000 Malaysian ringgit and to receive six strokes with a rattan cane.
That roughly translates to $1,400 and a beating.
The new news is that Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno* has requested to be caned in public.
MAMAPOP IS SMART POP CULTURE ANALYSIS, COMMENTARY, MERCILESS FUN-MAKING AND OTHER SUNDRY AWESOME, DISHED UP DAILY BY PARENTS, FOR PARENTS, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT PLAYTIME IS BETTER WITH VODKA. PLEASE TO ENJOY. READ MORE...
