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Douchebags Archive


November 05, 2009

Douchebag Solidarity Fever - Catch it!

Screen-capture-1 This is the greatest video in the entire history of all humankind.

No, seriously.

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Top Chef Recap: All Stars Dinner

Top_chef_logo-mamapop Come on, Top Chef! Why do you mess with me so? I turned on my television last night ready and waiting to see Padma ordering room service. I saw the teaser last week. I knew what was coming.

But no, I was slapped down. Instead you gave me a reunion show. Well, sort of a reunion show, but less coherent. You called it the All Stars Dinner.

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The Famous Faces of Domestic Abuse

Chris_Brown_Rhianna The Internet is abuzz this week with news of Rhianna's 20/20 and Good Morning America interviews (Jodi also wrote about Rhianna speaking out about her domestic violence experience here), the ones she's giving in conjunction with the release of her new album, Rated R. Now, on the eve of those media appearances, a few additional people are speaking out about what specifically happened to Rhianna and about domestic violence in general.

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Ex-Miss California Carrie Prejean's Lawsuit Settled

Carrie Prejean Carrie Prejean sued the Miss USA Organization.  The Miss USA Organization sued Carrie Prejean.  A joint statement released earlier this week said Prejean and the organizers of the pageant reached a confidential settlement on the lawsuits.  Too bad.  I so wanted Carrie's 15 minutes of fame to continue.  

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November 04, 2009

Speidi Transmogrify Themselves Into Jon & Kate Gosselin: How to Make Me Lose My Faith in Humanity in One Easy Step

SpeidiHeidi and Spencer Pratt, aka Speidi, are one of two of the greatest traffic accidents going on reality television these days, and by "traffic accident", I mean that I love to watch The Hills just to see if Spencer is still wearing that completely ridiculous, oversized cowboy hat and if Heidi will invite the neighbour kid, Enzo, over for Spencer to throw golf balls at again.

It all just goes too far, though, when they are hybridized with reality television's other greatest traffic accident, Jon and Kate Gosselin.

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November 03, 2009

Jon Gosselin Confesses His Sin In Temple

Jon_gosselin_a_tool Um, who is Jewish?  Aren't the Gosselins Christian Evangelists?  Why is Jon consulting with celebrity Rabbi Shmuley Boteachand and confessing his sins at New York City's West Side Jewish Center?  

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October 27, 2009

Fresh Hell: Mall Cop Director to Remake Short Circuit

Short_circuit Here's some input I didn't really need: Steve Carr, the d-bag responsible for Paul Blart: Mall Cop, has been signed by Dimension Films to direct a remake of Short Circuit, the 1986 sci-fi-lite flick in which a robot out-acted Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy, which is almost an impressive feat.

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October 26, 2009

Balloon Boy's Mom Confesses to Hoax

Hot-air-balloon-denver-colorado-pic-ap-3069131 Well, well, so I was right.  In a signed affidavit, Mayumi Heene, the mother of "Balloon Boy," admitted the whole nonsense was a hoax in order to get the family more media attention for a reality show.  Dad still isn't talking.

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October 22, 2009

10 Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Tattoos, Plus the One On This Shameless Author's Butt

Tattoo_entire_face_small As long as there are people with bad ideas and it is legal to outfit other people with bad ideas with tattoo guns, we will have bad tattoos, and, man, are there some bad tattoos out there. Even Hayden Panettiere's got one. I feel for her, though, because I, too, had a brain fart in my youth, and now I've got my own slightly embarrassing butt tattoo. Here, let me show you it...

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'Shame and Honor: Asian Americans in Need of a PR Makeover' or 'My People Ain't Representin!'

Gosselin-heene-2 What is going on with Asians in the media lately? First Jon Gosselin, formerly loving husband and doting dad-of-eight, becomes douchebag of the year and the biggest reason to hate Ed Hardy. Then Mayumi Heene, mom to Balloon Boy, is accused of perpetrating a hoax along with her crazy-ass husband. Hello! Konnichi-wa! Can my people get a PR makeover, please?

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October 19, 2009

John Mayer and the "Hang In There!" Motivational Poster Kitten with Sides of Courtney Love and Scott Baio

John_mayer John Mayer bugged me on Twitter this morning, and not for the usual reasons he bugs me, like that time he told me too much about his penis or the thousand times he has made lamesauce jokes. I should probably just stop reading his Twitter feed, but like with Courtney Love and her translator, Courtney Translated, I keep going back to witness him in 140 characters or less.

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I'ma Let You Finish Art Speigelman, But Kanye West Will Have The Greatest Graphic Novel OF ALL TIME

Kanye-book Kanye West has a book coming out. Oh, yay.

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Balloon Boy Saga Ends In Criminal Charges

 
Balloonboy So here's the thing.  I actually missed the whole balloon boy saga.  I was busy at my real life day job and got on twitter that night and was all huh?  Balloon boy?  WTF? 

So, for those of you like me, here is the two second recap: The Heene family, who had previously appeared on Wife Swap, which immediately brings their judgment into question, reported that their 6 year old son floated away in an inflatable helium flying saucer like thingie.  The nation and twitter becomes riveted.  Except: not so much.  Child was found hiding in a cardboard box in the rafters of the family's garage.

At first the public sentiment was "those poor parents, they thought their kid floated away and he was in the garage?  That is terrible."  And then it turned to "um, that doesn't really make sense."  And now it is at "LIARS.  HOAX.  CHARGE THEM."

And that is where we now are.

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October 15, 2009

The fate of Jon & Kate Plus Eight

Jon-and-kate-gosselin No matter how you slice it, Jon & Kate Gosselin have become nothing more than a reality-TV cautionary tale and the pop-culture version of a really bad and seemingly never-ending joke. Just when you think it can't get any more uncomfortable or you can't possibly enjoy it any less, something happens to make you need a shower and a little time with the Duggars. And without the Gosselins, you'd NEVER need time with the Duggars.

What started as a family playing out the highs and lows of parenting a large family on TV has turned into a media circus and a tabloid story that just won't end. They are on countless magazine covers and talk shows and reputable news sources, even. They are the Angelina and Brad of reality TV. Except with far shittier haircuts. And they're not on anyone's freebie list.

Now, finally, there's an end in sight. Jon & Kate Plus Eight is over next month. For good.

The entire world just exhaled.

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An Open Letter To Ralph Lauren: Women Are Not Bratz Dolls

Ralph-lauren-anorexic-pic Dear Ralph Lauren:

There has been a great deal of press surrounding your ex-employee Fillipa Hamilton, the model who was photoshopped to a ridiculous degree and then summarily fired for being too fat. I have to wonder aloud why someone who is 5'10 and 120 pounds can ever be considered overweight, as a BMI of 17, which Ms. Hamilton has, is actually considered underweight. By a lot. But that's not the world of modeling, right? Of course not. I should just go about my business and let you fire women who dare to have even a modicum of realism to their figures. 

Bullshit.

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October 14, 2009

Glee Dissed By NBC/Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

GLEE I have a brand new reason to not watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. NBC had a hissy fit when they realized that the cast of Glee (a FOX show) was supposed to perform during the spectacle.

It wasn't like I needed another reason not to watch. I freaking hate parades, and now I kind of hate NBC. I see their point, Glee airs at the exact time as  Law and Order: SVU. I guess NBC thinks that if the people who are still interested in sex crimes after all these years of Law and Order might be drawn away to another network by people in their mid to late 20's pretending to be in show choir.

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October 13, 2009

Son Claims Ryan O'Neal Broke Farrah Fawcett's Arm

Ryan oneal I'll be honest with you.  I've never had a good feeling about Ryan O'Neal. 

As a kid, some of my favorite movies starred Ryan - Chances Are, Irreconcilable Differences, Love Story.  Yet when it comes to his personal life, I've found him disingenuous.  The regretful words over his abusive past always seem a bit contrived, the tears over Farrah Fawcett a little...I don't know...self interested? 

I could never quite put my finger on what it was exactly, other than that he seemed like he was in character.

Given that, I wholeheartedly believe his son Griffin's claim that he witnessed Ryan break Farrah's arm during a violent rage.

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