So, it seems Heidi and Spencer aren't content acting like the worst-matched couple in reality-television history on "The Hills" alone each week and would prefer to "branch out" to a show of their very own. Because, OH YES, that's precisely what this world needs: a little more Heidi and Spencer.
Yes, I understand that Robert Pattinson IS Edward Cullen. I've seen Twilight, I read the internets, I can interpret IMDB, but what I am telling you is that Pattinson isn't the guy that wants to watch you sleep.
Every morning, while the maids are cleaning my house and my chef is preparing my favorite breakfast of tartines and café au lait, I like to peruse the online tabloids to see what all the other rich, famous people are up to. Usually I'll find an amusing story about Jon Gosselin to share at bridge, or a tragic bit about Lindsay Lohan that always reminds me to make sure the nanny is raising my kids right.
But today the story on the front page of every tabloid was about how much Kate Hudson loves sex. I don't really care about Kate Hudson's sex life, unless of course she's sleeping with my pool boy.
Sorry, no nekkid celebs this week. Instead, I bring you dish on some washed up child actresses: The Parent Trap's Lindsay Lohan and Full House's Olsen Twins and Jodie Sweetin are in the news this week, for some reason.
I really enjoy the work of David Cross. I think he was brilliant on Arrested Development, but I have some questions about his judgment. For example, would you snort cocaine in a room with a bunch of secret service agents?
Important breaking news: CNN reports that Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi were in an airplane that was landing at Hearst Castle in San Simeon, California, when their airplane hit a parked SUV.
Really. I know that it sounds like the beginning of a really stupid joke but apparently this actually happened.
Can you see Edward Cullen - I mean Robert Pattinson - cast as Prince Harry? Me neither, but it might happen.
Peter Kosminsky is working on casting his new movie called "The Spare" about Prince Harry's life.
There is nothing like a bio-pic of a 25 year old that hasn't actually done anything yet. It sounds fascinating.
Also considered for the role:
I have to admit to having a certain amount of disdain for actors Billy Crudup and Claire Danes ever since Crudup dumped Mary Louise Parker to take up with the My So Called Life actress. This was back in 2003 and Parker was seven months pregnant with Crudup's baby at the time. I think I remember yelling, "Douchebag!" and "Homewrecker!" at the TV everytime I saw Crudup and Danes together, not attractive behavior when you've got young daughters in the house and whoo - when I changed his name on Wikipedia to Billy Crud-up-yer-ass that was a real low point for me.
Even though I wasn't a huge fan of hers, my sympathies were with Parker. How could that unfeeling clod Billy leave the mother of his unborn child? But now - oh say it ain't so - it looks like Mary Louise has gone and done to someone else what she got done to her.
Lily Allen, the über-cute British songstress of such well-known songs as "Smile" and "Fuck You", has declared that she is not going to record a third album and has no plans to tour again in the near future.
To this a wail a hearty NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I love me some Lily Allen. I love that her sweet voice belies the punch of her lyrics. I love that her British accent still comes through when she sings. I love her sometimes whimsical sense of style. Not so secretly, I like to dream that she and I meet up for pints with sides of mushy peas and jaw about the racket that is selling creative products. Lily and I duck out for a smoke, and she laughs at the impotence warning on my Canadian cigarettes package. Of course, she finds none of this creepy. Imagination is a wonderful thing.
Here's traumatic news Allen allegedly wrote on her weblog about her decision:
I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this but I am hearing rumors that Rihanna and Justin Timberlake are dating.
I am confused for several reasons.
1) I thought Rihanna got secretly married to Chris Brown. Not that this isn't still possibly true. I bet almost any priest would be willing to annul that nonsense.
2) I also thought Justin Timberlake was still dating Jessica Biel.
I'll be recapping this season's episodes, sometime each Tuesday.
Last night's episode was the second of the season. What did we miss the first episode of the season? All the post-Constance kids returned from summers abroad and summers in bed and they're gearing up to start various different colleges and ventures. Let's begin!
About a month ago, in the midst of her sister Kourtney’s own (not really all that shocking) situation (pregnant; trying to bribe her babydaddy in to putting a ring on her finger), Khloe Kardashian began dating basketball player Lamar Odom. About four days ago, news broke that the happy couple had gotten engaged. Less than twenty-four hours ago, word hit the wire that the two are planning to tie the knot. Soon.
As in this Sunday.
I know that she bugs some people but I kind of like Kirsten Dunst. I haven't forgotten how good she was as Claudia in "Interview with the Vampire". I loved "The Virgin Suicides" and "Drop Dead Gorgeous" and "Bring it On". So why, at 27, is she already resorting to crashing parties to audition for roles?
The rumor is that she crashed a party for Jane Campion because she is dying to get a role in Runaway, a film that Campion is working on that will be based on Alice Munro's book of short stories.
Tom Brady is going to be a Dad - again. But this time he made a baby with his wife, Gisele Bundchen.
I know, it isn't nearly as gossip-worthy but I will tell you this - it dominates the news. Which isn't a big deal unless you are trying to find out if Brady is going to be starting for the Patriots on Monday Night Football.
The guy is listed as probable. This is a prob-a-lem since he is the starting quarterback on one of my fantasy football teams. Being the conscientious gambler fantasy football player that I am I tried to do research on the health of the man and I get this:
Whooooooooa buddy, were the VMAs out of control this year. By now everyone's heard about Kanye's douchebaggery, but trust me, that wasn't the only OMG moment, by far. There were a lot of missteps at the VMAs, as there are every year, but there also were some highlights, so let's go through the show and dissect the chaos, shall we?
My friend Mona is a huge American Idol fan. She's not really the celebrity-worshipping type, but she can be talking very reasonably about the deficit or the latest NASA mission and then all of a sudden get tongue-tied and blubbery when she starts recounting one of the Idol finalists doing a disco version of a Whitesnake song.
So I guess I should have known better when I got a two word text message from her a few weeks ago that said, "SHE'S GONE!!!!!" but I had to go and overreact and assume that her elderly mother had died, the one with the mysterious cough and swollen legs. When I finally got Mona on the phone a few excruciating minutes later I realized she had interrupted her important meeting at her ad agency job to let me know that Paula Abdul had left American Idol.
(If you've ever wondered what executives are doing when they're busily tapping away at their Blackberrys during meetings, wonder no more.)
MAMAPOP IS SMART POP CULTURE ANALYSIS, COMMENTARY, MERCILESS FUN-MAKING AND OTHER SUNDRY AWESOME, DISHED UP DAILY BY PARENTS, FOR PARENTS, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT PLAYTIME IS BETTER WITH VODKA. PLEASE TO ENJOY. READ MORE...
