MamaPop™

Bloom Bling Burgled

Sorry, but when the opportunity to do an awesomely ridiculous alliterative headline à la Page Six arises, you gotta carpe the diem, know what I'm saying? But, you guys, it is totally not funny that Orlando Bloom's Hollywood Hills home was robbed of over $500K worth of jewelry, so you just stop your giggling. This is serious business.

I am probably not the first to do so, but I would like to implicate Lindsay Lohan in this case, because if something in Hollywood goes missing, there's like a 60% chance that Lindsay thought you said she could have it one time and then pocketed it when you went to the bathroom.

Check Out Denise Richards' Funbags!

Any parent who's ever thrown a kid's birthday party knows the most labor intensive part of the entire process is putting together the dreaded Goodie Bags. Who invented this masochistic, time-consuming, crappy tradition? Invite a bunch of kids to a party, babysit them, feed them, and then send them home with a bag of knick-knacks that probably cost more than the gift they brought? Why not just hand out $20 bills at the door?

But check it out - maybe for your next party, save yourself some time and trouble and have Denise Richards' bring over her Funbags! As she says in the following video, "I've been showing off my Funbags at parties for years, and now they're yours to enjoy!" And the kids love them. "Her parties are the best! I can't wait to get my hands on her Funbags!" says a satisfied 10-year-old.

It's Official: The Daily Show Makes The White House Piddle Their Pants

Oh ye of little faith! All of you (okay, me too) thought that political comedy was going to be a little thin on the ground once Obama took office, right?  WELL. Everyone on both sides of the playing field take note, cause there's plenty of funny in this story for everyone. Well, unless you're Dick Cheney. Then you're pretty much screwed.

So who is really making politicians sweat these days, and what is the White House doing in order to save face with this superpower? Whoever could it be???

I'll give you a hint: He's a snarky New Yorker on basic cable.

Ugliest Tattoos: In Case the State of the World Has You Feeling Schadenfreude-Deficient

Let's face it: things right now are...not great. The situation in Iran gets more and more intense every day. The economy is still utter poo. Psychos are out in full force and heavily armed. Personally, I often find myself feeling pretty crappy about being a member of the human race. And sometimes, when I'm that kind of mood, I just really need somebody to look down on. I'm not saying it's good or healthy, but sometimes I just need help getting out of bed with the knowledge that I'm not the biggest idiot around.

Enter Ugliest Tattoos.

Hammer Pants Flash Mob FTW

The early 90s were a weird time in the U.S. We were emerging from the ickiness of the 80s and the 90s spread in front of us, full of possibility and the promise of a new millennium. The optimism of the that time was a breeding ground for trends like Hypercolor (why have a shirt that's just one color when it can be multiple colors depending on who's fondling your boobs?), wearing clothes backwards (Reagan's gone! I'm totally Krossed out!), and, of course, Hammer pants (it's the 90s! Let's get billowy!).

Hammer pants were brought to us by super-positive rapper MC Hammer, whose career became a cautionary tale of quick fortunes when, just six years after the mind-boggling international success of his album Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em, he filed bankruptcy due to being $13 million in debt.

Fanboys is the Funniest Cancer Movie You'll Rent this Summer, Maybe

When Fanboys came out last winter, it was a limited release that didn't come anywhere near me, and that was about as surprising as that one time when I got picked on in high school. But I still wanted to see it really bad because it had been in production since about 1935 or something, and was a classic road trip movie and the trailer looked really funny, so HAHAHA! Awesome! When has marketing EVER steered me wrong? Except that one time when I was a kid and wanted to try Grape Nuts because the commercials made them look crunchy and delicious, but guess what else is crunchy when you chew it? Dirt. Same flavor, it turns out. 

But back to Fanboys... (Those three dots mean there is more. You just have to click the link. See? I'm telling you ahead of time so I don't feel guilty about tricking you.)

My Favorite Testosterone-Fuelled Commercials of Playoff Season

I don't think anyone has ever accused me of being a "girly girl." I'm only marginally interested in make up and I hang out with dudes a LOT. Much of our conversation is peppered with phrases like, "yer mom," and we watch sports and grunt and bump chests and it's grand.
As I've documented very well on this site, I get irked when commercials aimed at women (or men) are condescending or just plain silly and beat on the dead horse of traditional gender stereotypes. However, there are a few commercials that I've seen during the Stanley Cup playoffs that certainly play into those stereotypes. But they're so funny, I just have to give them a hand for cracking me up. (By the way: GO PENS!)

Mother Lover

From last night's SNL: Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake do it again... and by "do it" I DO mean "DO IT":

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

UPDATED VIDEO from Hulu.com shoud work!

Campaign to Revise "Traditional" Anniversary Gifts: A Manifesto by Snarky Amber

Hi folks! So, I have this wedding anniversary coming up in the next week, which has placed a proverbial bee directly between my proverbial bonnet and my literal head. While I'm not really one for traditions, per se, I am a traditionalist when it comes to the traditions where people give me consumer goods in packages that are wrapped in shiny paper. So, in considering what I'd like to unwrap for this, my second anniversary, I consulted the annals of history for traditional anniversary gifts. And my conclusion was this:

Man, these anniversary gifts need an update. Pronto. My slang also needs an update, but we'll work on that some other time.

Auto Tune: Everything Sounds Better!

There may be nothing more grating than Auto Tune as its recently been deployed -- nay, applied to the listening public's collective skullcase with a sledgehammer -- in hip-hop and pop music lately. GRANTED. But I for one welcome the LOLs now being generated by the Auto Tune backlash and it's fine video products. Join me for a sampling of teh funneh after the jump, won't you?

My New Web Series Obsessions: Greg & Donny and All's Faire

Do you ever find yourself stewing in your own self-pitying and self-loathing juices, completely hating your circumstances in life and the clueless jackasses that you have to co-exist with on the planet every single goddamn day?
That was me over the weekend...well, that's still me right now. But for a few minutes this Saturday, my mood was vastly improved thanks to a friend who tipped me off to a few hilarious web series, namely Greg & Donny and All's Faire.

Never Forget [pours a little out]

sniff.

Best t-shirt ever? Perhaps. Unless you know of one you think is better? Well do ya? Huh, punk?

(Actually, this one brings tears of joy to my eyes as well.)

Kanye Admits South Park Defeat; Won't Confirm Gay Fish Rumors

South Park speared Kanye West the other evening, calling out his egomaniacalness and calling him a gay fish. (You have to watch the episode to get it).

In the episode West becomes the butt of a totally obvious and hysterical joke and the end scene involves him singing underwater whilst wearing bling and dry-humping a large bass. The show also made fun of Carlos Mencia in a most brilliant way but we're not talking about him because no one cares.

Kanye did as Kanye does and penned his response in all caps. Sigh. One step at a time.

Like A Boss (ft. Seth Rogen)

Latest video from The Lonely Island! NSFW language and, well, other stuff:

Somewhat relatedly. Heh.