MamaPop™

Michael Jackson's Kids Want to Stay With Janet, and So Do I

Amidst the crazy custody battle for Michael Jackson's kids that's heating up between Jackson's mom Katherine and biological mom/dermatologist's assistant/money-grubber Debbie Rowe, another name is popping up as a favored candidate for caregiver - Michael's little sister Janet.

OK! magazine is reporting that Prince, Paris and Blanket all want to live with their Aunt Janet, and who can blame them? She seems like the most normal of the bunch, and has managed to successfully keep her private life under wraps. Also, who wouldn't give their right arm to have the chance to learn from Janet herself all the dance moves from the Pleasure Principal video? Just me? Okay, but you'll be sorry when I call your lame ass out at the next dance-off.

Was Michael Jackson Murdered?

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that our Michael was a bit of an odd duck with a penchant for prescription medication, so, although his sudden death on June 25th was surprising, it was not truly shocking.  His face had been on a collision course with collapse for years, and his erratic behaviour and drug use was so common as to be yawn-worthy. To be honest, I'm surprised that his final demise didn't happen earlier.

This is where his story takes a sad turn, though. Wait, it's always been sad. This is where his story takes an even sadder turn. All his instability, drug use, and supposed pedophilia might not have been what did him in. La Toya Jackson, Michael's sister and face mimic, has stated in an interview with the London newspaper News of the World that she believes he was murdered.

Ozzy Osbourne's Dog Has Been Murdered

In what appears to be the continuation of some kind of crazy curse on Ozzy Osbourne's dogs, Little Bit, Osbourne's treasured Pomeranian, was killed last Tuesday, July 7th.

Little Bit's death comes after another of Osbourne's dogs, Goldie, was bitten by a rattlesnake earlier in the year. Goldie narrowly escaped death and, apart from being extremely bummed out about Little Bit, is doing fine.

Little Bit, however, is not doing fine. Because, as I reported earlier, Little Bit is dead. As the Osbourne's watched the Michael Jackson memorial, poor Little Bit was attacked and eaten by a coyote in the backyard.

The Osbourne's live in Los Angeles. Am I alone in wondering what the fuck is up with all the wildlife attacks at Osbourne's Los Angeles residence?

The Osbourne's are not blaming Jackson. And they have no leads as to who might have put a curse on their dogs. I know what you're thinking. Some of Osbourne's friends are thinking the same thing.

Not Again: Lita Ford vs. Joan Jett?

Lita Ford, the Queen of Metal, has a new album coming out, "Wicked Wonderland," which she also co-produced, so cue the mindless girl-shrieking.

In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Ford discussed this and the new flick "Cherry Bomb," based on The Runaways, the band that launched the careers of Ford and fellow rocker Joan Jett. Kristen Stewart stars as Jett and some chick we don't know, the horrors stars as Ford. Seriously. The lead guitarist of the premier chick-rock band and they get a non-marquee actress? For shaaaame.

Apparently, all is still not well in Lady Rock Land.

Michael Jackson Hijacks Pop Culture. So I give you 14 Videos Of Covers And Tributes And Stupid Dancing Convicts

Well if you were me and you wrote a pop culture column for a pop culture website, your life would be a living hell right now. Unless you want to write about Michael Jackson eating gobs of pain pills or chime in about who should get the kids or share your opinion about the status of his pop legacy after he defended his right on national television to share his bed with boys as beautiful or natural or whatever he said. Then you'd be in pop culture writing heaven. Because Michael Michael Michael!

But I already said my piece. Loved the whole 80s phenomenon. He got pretty weird. But I don't judge art and music and writing by the goofy ass people who make it. A lot of people do. We'll never agree. Bury him.

But in my searches for something to cover for the week, all I came up with was fistfuls of Michael. I found a bit about Gary Coleman's wife getting popped for domestic assault but no one's saying if it was Gary who got beat down or not. So Michael it is. The internet is awash with people making MJ covers. But do you have to search and search to track them all down? No. Because it's done for you after the jump. Famous people. Regular people. Even prisoners who need a real warden. Shouldn't they be busting up stones or making license plates or paying for their crimes in some way that isn't busting MJ moves all over the prison yard?   

Public Service Announcement: Canadian Pop Music Can Kill You

I'm on a road trip across Canada this week, and although I generally ignore (with a few notable exceptions) Canadian music - I find Barenaked Ladies banal, The Tragically Hip boring, and Nickelback a cruel joke - it's kind of hard to avoid thinking about it when you keep passing road signs that say disturbing things like TOUR THE ANNE MURRAY MUSEUM.  That, and the fact that one is morally obliged, as a Canadian on a road trip, to hum Tom Cochrane's Life Is A Highway at least twice a day, makes it a little difficult to pretend that there's no such thing as Canadian pop music and that it hasn't, in some deep and important way, corrupted your soul.

So I decided that you had to be corrupted with me:

Kid Rock and Kellie Pickler Dating... Who'da Thunk It?

Well I wouldn't have imagined this celebrity coupling ever existed but apparently it's been well known in the Nashville circles (which I'm obviously not privy too) that Kid Rock and Kellie Pickler have been dating for well over a year. I'll let that one sink in while I finish this here grit sandwich.

What About Jackson's Kids?

*UPDATED!

While it seems many are mourning for Michael Jackson, I'm mourning, too, except I'm sad for the singer's three children; also the boys whose innocence was apparently destroyed by a man whose status as a pop-culture icon enabled him to skate past the law. (The best defense of libel is the truth you don't go buying off your accusers with millions and millions if you're innocent.)

I've read and watched many reports which assert that society drove Jackson to his death. Society had zip to do with Jackson's death, we didn't inject him with Demerol; I'm more concerned with the role society played in mischaracterizing this man's juvenile accusers as antagonists and overlooking his problems. In no other case would children who claim abuse be treated to such venom. Of course, I guess when you know people who were violated in their youth and when you're the parent to young boys, it changes your perspective a bit.

I'm also mourning for Jackson's three children. Debbie Rowe has surfaced again, albeit briefly, to say that she does not, contrary to the reports, want custody of the children.

Just Say No, No, No: Amy Winehouse's New Line of Greeting Cards and Wrapping Paper

So I'm wondering how the product meeting went, the one where they came up with the idea to market a line of Amy Winehouse greeting cards and wrapping paper. I'm thinking someone suggested a line of flasks, or perhaps a perfume that smelled like a combo of cloves and Jack Daniels. Then someone else threw out the idea of a line of hand towels and the room fell silent and the head of the marketing department shook his head and told everyone to go to lunch before he fired their asses.

Then just as everyone was deciding whether to go to Applebee's or HomeTown Buffet one of the new guys, the one who was real quiet during the entire meeting, piped up and said, "Hey, how about a line of Amy Winehouse greeting cards and wrapping paper?" Everyone started clapping and hoisted the guy on their shoulders and now that guy is president of the company.

Okay, that's probably not how it went because that idea is absolutely awful.

Muse Unveils New, Face-Melting Album

One of my top three favorite bands of all time, Muse, have announced that they will release their fifth album this September, entitled: "The Resistance."

They've also announced the dates of the European leg of the tour and let it be known now that if Muse does not come to St. Louis that my head will explode into a fiery ball of rage replete with confetti embers.

That Muse is coming out with a fifth album or will be playing an American leg of "The Resistance" tour isn't even the most mind-blowing part of this. The mind-blowing part is that Muse will tour with none of than U2 for many North American dates, the first of which is New York on September 24th.

Eddie Van Halen Sues Nike Over Red and Black Striped Thingy

Eddie Van Halen is suing Nike because he says the company stole the red, black and white striped pattern from his signature 'Frankenstrat' guitar and put it on a new version of their Dunk Low sneaker. According to Rolling Stone the rocker had the color scheme copyrighted back in 2001. In related news, Eddie also claims to own the rights to the smiley face, the fist bump and anything plaid. Also, a warning to McDonald's to get lawyered up; Eddie is saying that he was the first to use the phrase, "I'm lovin' it" at a party in 1983.

Taylor Swift and T-Pain Thugged Out At Last Night's CMT Awards

T-Pain and Taylor Swift are surprising collaborators on "Thug Story", a spoof on Swift's song, "Love Story", which they premiered at last night's 2009 CMT Music Awards.  Surprisingly, she kind of pulls off rapping, and when I say kind of, I mean that she surprised me with her awesomeness.

That's right.  I just said that Taylor Swift is awesome.  It kind of shocked me, too, when I typed it out, because I am a long-term, deeply convicted hater of the country music genre in general ever since it walked away from the old-timey brilliance of songs like Hank Williams, Sr.'s "There's a Tear in My Beer", but there it is: I think I have become a fan of Taylor Swift, and the following video just might have cemented that:

New Kids On The Block Sue Fake New Kids On The Block

I'm not entirely sure we needed one New Kids On The Block, but thank goodness the group is trying to stop us from two.

All together now....Hangin' Tough.....You've Got the Right Stuff, baby....

No?  Fine.....

Paris Sounds Professional And Madonna Turns To Jesus In Her Time Of Need

Guess what somebody claims Paris Hilton used to do for money? I know it's not really that hard to believe but Elizabeth Jawhary, one of the former party girls interviewed in Mark Ebner's upcoming book "Six Degrees Of Paris Hilton" alleges that on occasions when paid to party with men, Paris would be one of other *ahem* paid hostesses ready to service the patron(s).

Ms. Jawhary is quoted saying,

"We would party pretty hard. Paris got naked and the girls would get naked. This was mainly in Vegas. There were times where you would have Ted or Ron come down, and they would pretty much pay for girl-on-girl action. I'd be there. And they'd pay to watch us girls going at it."