MamaPop™

Eric Braeden Leaves Young & the Restless, Takes Lady Tickler with Him

By Michael Roe

Where were you when you heard that Eric Braeden is leaving CBS’ top-rated The Young & the Restless as of November 2? Here, just a second ago? Devastating, I know. I’m so, so sorry. My mom didn’t prepare me for the news, either. She just blurted... You were being sarcastic? I don’t heart you. Anyway...

Apparently, Sony wanted to drastically cut Braeden’s salary. 68 year old Braeden’s response?

“What? I didn’t hear what you... hold on... let me turn up my miracle ear.”

Once he was able to hear them, and a minute or two of time required for him to process the information and remember where he was had passed, he proceeded to tell them what they could do with their offer. I’m sure it involved the suits’ Wiis. And, I’m sure Sony was all like, “Uh, Nintendo makes the Wii, Eric. We make the PlayStation.”

“Take your Wii, and shove it up your PlayStation! Now, kindly leave, or I will have you thrown out.”

He was in their office. It was awkward. Like, Hover-Round bumping into the boardroom table, getting all lodged and knocking over pitchers of water onto Sony VAIOs awkward.

The point is, Braeden was born in Germany, and you don’t take a German lightly, especially if that German has a moustache and, at 68, has nothing to live for lose.

Anyway, oh, what a moustache it is. Was.

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck Are Related? Sure Why Not.

Talk all the smack you want about the New England Geneological Society, but there's an organization that knows how to drop a bombshell.  According to the NEGS, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are more than just childhood friends and collaborators, if you get my drift.

Don't get my drift?  They are full-on tenth cousins, once removed (that vibration you just felt? The Earth. Shaking).  Both claim a common ancestor in Colin Farrell William Knowlton Jr., a bricklayer who came to the New World from England in the 1630s.

Marlon Wayans Hates You. Also Richard Pryor's Ghost.

In the ultimate "Those words don't make sense together" move, Happy Madison Productions has green-lit a biopic picture about the life of Richard Pryor, and playing the lead role will be Marlon Wayans because he's just about the funniest black entertainer  working today if you don't count pretty much everyone else and Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder and that one guy who slipped on a spilled strawberry-banana Jamba Juice© in front of Gruman's Chinese Theater the last time I was in Hollywood. Because that guy was really embarrassed and upset. Heh. Slip-and-fall injuries equals funny in my book.

Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize; Angelina Tears Out Hair In Fit Of Jealousy

Okay, look: I like Obama as much as the next person. He's just super. But can I ask? What exactly did he do to earn the Nobel Peace Prize? He's been in power for less than a year. He hasn't stopped any wars. The world doesn't feel, really, any more peaceful than it did last October. So, what? Am I missing something? Blinded by my inherently peaceful Canadianness and so unable to recognize extraordinary peacefulness in others?

Because, seriously: "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples?" Haven't Angelina and Bono been doing that for a lot longer than Obama has? Also, somewhere, Bill Clinton is weeping, you just know.

No, really: I'm asking in all sincerity, and am open to being convinced (dull Canadian maple-syrup-addled political scientist that I am, I fully concede that I might be ignorant about some of the President's more extraordinary exploits.) Am I missing something? And, what do you think?

(Again - so that nobody cuffs me here - I love Obama, as much as a non-American can. I think he's great. And I think that he might well contribute in an extraordinary way to the building of world peace. I just don't think he's done it yet.)

(**ducks**)

source

Every day, the comedy writer waits, and waits, and waits, for something to happen to get snarky about. Sometimes there's very little to work with, sometimes, there seems to be NOTHING to work with, as if every batshit celeb took the day off, just to spite the writer.  And then there are the times that comedy writing seems to take a life of its own, and the words spring forth like so many crested waves upon the ocean, covering the sand with laughter.

Friends? This is one of those times.

We've always thought of Hollywood as a magical land of make-believe, where dreams come to life and anything that can be imagined can be made real on the screen. But in a stunning new twist that seems to defy the generally acknowledged laws of the space-time continuum, Mel Gibson has suddenly and miraculously gone back in time and stopped himself from driving drunk.

As MamaPop's Jodifur reported only a week ago, onetime idol of millions Gibson has been seeking to have his DUI expunged from the legal record, as is apparently the right of first-time DUI convictees who manage to make their way successfully through court-ordered meetings and public service. On Tuesday, that wish was granted by a California judge.

Important breaking news: CNN reports that Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi were in an airplane that was landing at Hearst Castle in San Simeon, California, when their airplane hit a parked SUV.

Really. I know that it sounds like the beginning of a really stupid joke but apparently this actually happened.

The National Basketball Association established new guidelines restricting the use of social media sites like Twitter by its players and banning the use of such sites during games.

On June 5, 2002 12-year-old Elizabeth Smart awoke to a knife to her throat.  Nine months after being abducted by Brian Mitchell, Elizabeth was rescued.  At the time of her homecoming her parents stated that they wouldn't pressure Elizabeth for details about her ordeal. 

Now, seven years later, Elizabeth spoke openly and in great detail in a Utah courtroom.

The reason?  Her abductor and rapist, Brian Mitchell, has still not been tried for his crimes.  Why, you ask?  (Or maybe yell.  Like me.)  Well, that would be because the Utah state court has inexplicably found Brian Mitchell incompetent to stand trial.  TWICE.

No little girl should ever have to endure the things Elizabeth did and to have to relive those details, in front of her parents no less, seems like yet another violation.  Yet, Elizabeth's testimony that Brian Mitchell kidnapped her for SEX, not because of RELIGION, is somehow critical to the case. 

I'm no attorney, but I believe the correct legal term is "bullshiteas corpus".

I can't imagine what a tough decision it must have been for Elizabeth to share what she did...

So they're remaking Clash of the Titans, because of course they are. Why wouldn't they? The original was the last of the Harryhausen Claymation masterpieces and starred Harry Hamlin without his shirt or suspenders on and there was a Kraken and it kicked ass, unless you went back and watched it last year with your kids trying to show off an awesome movie from your childhood and they were all "Dad, why do all the monsters look like Gumby?" and you were all "Jesus. Are we out of whiskey already?" And then you realized it kinda had a weak plot and Perseus was being trained by the Ancient Greek version of Mickey, from the Rocky movies and in general it pretty much sucked ass and was not as cool as when you used to sneak peeks at the underwear pages of the Sears catalog.

So they're remaking it.

According to the Associated Press, Jon Gosselin today issued a cease-and-desist order to TLC demanding that they stop filming the popular trainwreck of a show.

Wow, what a shocker. This guy is full of surprises, no? phhhbbbtt.

Details are hazy regarding the specfics of the court order, but TLC is halting production of the show "pending further conversations" between the network and the Gosselins. Frankly, I think someone should have a conversation with Jon Gosselin about how to not be a total dickhead. Howabout having THAT conversation, huh TLC? HUH? grumble.

In response to this development, Kate Gosselin issued a statement saying: "It appears that Jon's priority is Jon and his interests... My priority remains our children and their well being." Oooh, BUUUUURRRN.

I'm gonna come out and say it: I, Miss Banshee, read Perez Hilton. I read him because he, for some reason unknown to god and man, gets the stories first, and I want know the second something happens like Megan Fox saying something stupid, or Jennifer Aniston being seen with someone of the opposite gender. So yes, I read Perez. But his blunders are as showy and extreme as his persona, and the mistake he made yesterday almost put another one of Charlie's Angels in the grave, and that's pretty insane, even for Perez. So let's dive into the cautionary tale of Perez Hilton and Jaclyn Smith, and we all might learn something in the end.

I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this but I am hearing rumors that Rihanna and Justin Timberlake are dating.

I am confused for several reasons.

1) I thought Rihanna got secretly married to Chris Brown. Not that this isn't still possibly true. I bet almost any priest would be willing to annul that nonsense.

2) I also thought Justin Timberlake was still dating Jessica Biel.

I don't know if what Avril Lavigne does these days is really all that newsworthy. Truth be told, I don't know if what Avril Lavigne has ever done has really been all that newsworthy, except when she forms well-articulated sentences. I'd call that news. But, it kind of surprised me to hear the news that she recently separated from her Sum 41 lead-singer husband Deryck Whibley because, truly, I thought she already had. Also, for some random, insane, the-Internet-will-now-lose-respect-for-him reason, my husband has a thing for Avril, so this news was actually brought up in our house last night and talked about for longer than I care to admit. ENTIRE MINUTES. Men, do you understand this crush or should I be concerned?

This has been a big week for the Beatles.  Their new game (see insanely cool commercial below) The Beatles: Rock Band is on the top of many a gift list and their entire UK catalog (plus Magical Mystery Tour and Past Masters) has been remastered and rereleased with a depth and a clarity that so many of us are missing in our lives right now.  Yes, once again we have found ourselves in times of trouble and the Beatles come to us.  Words of wisdom and all that.

Waaaay back in 1983 or thereabouts, I was a little kid with a bushy head of hair, a velour shirt with a floppy collar, and my very own most awesome game of Electronic Battleship.

Electronic Battleship was glorious. And electronic.  It had sound effects, 'splosions and a plasticky bulk that made it feel downright space-age (as if to confirm that feeling, Hasbro also produced a Star Wars version).  E. Battleship made the orginal board game, with its little flaps of cardboard and gunmetal grey nubs of plastic, look pathetic.

And as I sank destroyer after destroyer, glorying in those satisfying little electronic screams and rumbles, I promised myself that one day, when I grew up to be a 38 year old guy, I would produce a full-length feature film based on that rinky-dink board game.

As fate would have it, I never became an idea-starved douchebag with an office at Universal, a 'relationship' with Hasbro and an addiction to periodic Master Cleanses.  But someone sure as hell did.

In case you missed it, from tonight's MTV VMAs:

Kanye West was then escorted from Radio City Music Hall. Shortly thereafter, the following appeared on his blog:

Levi Johnston's Playgirl Spread: Why Comedy Writing Is Hard

Every day, the comedy writer waits, and waits, and waits, for something to happen to get snarky about. Sometimes there's very little to work with, sometimes, there seems to be NOTHING to work with, as if every batshit celeb took the day off, just to spite the writer.  And then there are the times that comedy writing seems to take a life of its own, and the words spring forth like so many crested waves upon the ocean, covering the sand with laughter.

Friends? This is one of those times.

Mel Gibson Retroactively Sober; Anti-Semitic Rant Still Going Strong

We've always thought of Hollywood as a magical land of make-believe, where dreams come to life and anything that can be imagined can be made real on the screen. But in a stunning new twist that seems to defy the generally acknowledged laws of the space-time continuum, Mel Gibson has suddenly and miraculously gone back in time and stopped himself from driving drunk.

As MamaPop's Jodifur reported only a week ago, onetime idol of millions Gibson has been seeking to have his DUI expunged from the legal record, as is apparently the right of first-time DUI convictees who manage to make their way successfully through court-ordered meetings and public service. On Tuesday, that wish was granted by a California judge.

Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi in Airplane-SUV Incident

Important breaking news: CNN reports that Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi were in an airplane that was landing at Hearst Castle in San Simeon, California, when their airplane hit a parked SUV.

Really. I know that it sounds like the beginning of a really stupid joke but apparently this actually happened.

NBA Bans/Restricts Twitter Use

The National Basketball Association established new guidelines restricting the use of social media sites like Twitter by its players and banning the use of such sites during games.

Elizabeth Smart Testifies In Disturbing Detail About Her Ordeal

On June 5, 2002 12-year-old Elizabeth Smart awoke to a knife to her throat.  Nine months after being abducted by Brian Mitchell, Elizabeth was rescued.  At the time of her homecoming her parents stated that they wouldn't pressure Elizabeth for details about her ordeal. 

Now, seven years later, Elizabeth spoke openly and in great detail in a Utah courtroom.

The reason?  Her abductor and rapist, Brian Mitchell, has still not been tried for his crimes.  Why, you ask?  (Or maybe yell.  Like me.)  Well, that would be because the Utah state court has inexplicably found Brian Mitchell incompetent to stand trial.  TWICE.

No little girl should ever have to endure the things Elizabeth did and to have to relive those details, in front of her parents no less, seems like yet another violation.  Yet, Elizabeth's testimony that Brian Mitchell kidnapped her for SEX, not because of RELIGION, is somehow critical to the case. 

I'm no attorney, but I believe the correct legal term is "bullshiteas corpus".

I can't imagine what a tough decision it must have been for Elizabeth to share what she did...

Clash of the Titans Due in 2010. Or 1981. Depending On Your Access To A Time Machine.

So they're remaking Clash of the Titans, because of course they are. Why wouldn't they? The original was the last of the Harryhausen Claymation masterpieces and starred Harry Hamlin without his shirt or suspenders on and there was a Kraken and it kicked ass, unless you went back and watched it last year with your kids trying to show off an awesome movie from your childhood and they were all "Dad, why do all the monsters look like Gumby?" and you were all "Jesus. Are we out of whiskey already?" And then you realized it kinda had a weak plot and Perseus was being trained by the Ancient Greek version of Mickey, from the Rocky movies and in general it pretty much sucked ass and was not as cool as when you used to sneak peeks at the underwear pages of the Sears catalog.

So they're remaking it.

Jon Gosselin's Douchebaggery Stops Production Of Jon & Kate Plus 8

According to the Associated Press, Jon Gosselin today issued a cease-and-desist order to TLC demanding that they stop filming the popular trainwreck of a show.

Wow, what a shocker. This guy is full of surprises, no? phhhbbbtt.

Details are hazy regarding the specfics of the court order, but TLC is halting production of the show "pending further conversations" between the network and the Gosselins. Frankly, I think someone should have a conversation with Jon Gosselin about how to not be a total dickhead. Howabout having THAT conversation, huh TLC? HUH? grumble.

In response to this development, Kate Gosselin issued a statement saying: "It appears that Jon's priority is Jon and his interests... My priority remains our children and their well being." Oooh, BUUUUURRRN.

Perez Hilton Needs A Remedial Spanish Lesson

I'm gonna come out and say it: I, Miss Banshee, read Perez Hilton. I read him because he, for some reason unknown to god and man, gets the stories first, and I want know the second something happens like Megan Fox saying something stupid, or Jennifer Aniston being seen with someone of the opposite gender. So yes, I read Perez. But his blunders are as showy and extreme as his persona, and the mistake he made yesterday almost put another one of Charlie's Angels in the grave, and that's pretty insane, even for Perez. So let's dive into the cautionary tale of Perez Hilton and Jaclyn Smith, and we all might learn something in the end.

Are Justin Timberlake and Rihanna a Couple?

I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this but I am hearing rumors that Rihanna and Justin Timberlake are dating.

I am confused for several reasons.

1) I thought Rihanna got secretly married to Chris Brown. Not that this isn't still possibly true. I bet almost any priest would be willing to annul that nonsense.

2) I also thought Justin Timberlake was still dating Jessica Biel.

Avril Lavigne Is Single Again

I don't know if what Avril Lavigne does these days is really all that newsworthy. Truth be told, I don't know if what Avril Lavigne has ever done has really been all that newsworthy, except when she forms well-articulated sentences. I'd call that news. But, it kind of surprised me to hear the news that she recently separated from her Sum 41 lead-singer husband Deryck Whibley because, truly, I thought she already had. Also, for some random, insane, the-Internet-will-now-lose-respect-for-him reason, my husband has a thing for Avril, so this news was actually brought up in our house last night and talked about for longer than I care to admit. ENTIRE MINUTES. Men, do you understand this crush or should I be concerned?

The Beatles and Disney - It's On!

This has been a big week for the Beatles.  Their new game (see insanely cool commercial below) The Beatles: Rock Band is on the top of many a gift list and their entire UK catalog (plus Magical Mystery Tour and Past Masters) has been remastered and rereleased with a depth and a clarity that so many of us are missing in our lives right now.  Yes, once again we have found ourselves in times of trouble and the Beatles come to us.  Words of wisdom and all that.

How to Make a Movie out of a Board Game, or, Battleship Set for July 2011

Waaaay back in 1983 or thereabouts, I was a little kid with a bushy head of hair, a velour shirt with a floppy collar, and my very own most awesome game of Electronic Battleship.

Electronic Battleship was glorious. And electronic.  It had sound effects, 'splosions and a plasticky bulk that made it feel downright space-age (as if to confirm that feeling, Hasbro also produced a Star Wars version).  E. Battleship made the orginal board game, with its little flaps of cardboard and gunmetal grey nubs of plastic, look pathetic.

And as I sank destroyer after destroyer, glorying in those satisfying little electronic screams and rumbles, I promised myself that one day, when I grew up to be a 38 year old guy, I would produce a full-length feature film based on that rinky-dink board game.

As fate would have it, I never became an idea-starved douchebag with an office at Universal, a 'relationship' with Hasbro and an addiction to periodic Master Cleanses.  But someone sure as hell did.

Kanye West Apologizes For Being A Douche On The VMAs

In case you missed it, from tonight's MTV VMAs:

Kanye West was then escorted from Radio City Music Hall. Shortly thereafter, the following appeared on his blog: