You like Chocolate. Don't lie. Everyone likes chocolate. Wait. That's a fairly broad interpretation/assumption. Let's say that most of you like chocolate and the rest of you molest Collies. Wait. That's terrible too. Okay. Let's turn this crazy talk around. You, at the very least, know someone who is crazy about chocolate. Word? Word.
If my e-mail spam folder is any indication, humans are obsessed with the length, girth, and efficacy (see also: the ability to "subdue se7ven w0men w 1 blow") of the male penis. Medications, manual pumps, visual stimuli, and animals driven to endangerment in the name of longer, harder, faster can try as they might, but all the tadalafil in the world can't fix what's truly broke, which is why science has taken it one step further and created artificial rabbit penises.
My husband, who could not tell you who just won the World Series (or who has EVER won the World Series for that matter) and who could not tell you who Harry Potter was even written by or who has ever owned a game console before stood in line for hours last night with a packed backpack full of Red Bull in anticipation of the release of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. He got home this morning at 8 a.m. after playing it ALL NIGHT LONG with a friend of his. That's ... weird, right?
Apparently it's not that weird.
Finally, Rihanna has spoken out about her abuse at the hands of Chris Brown, saying, among other things, she was embarrassed that she'd fallen in love with someone like him, and wishes she hadn't gone back to him after the assault. Video after the jump.
The Internet is abuzz this week with news of Rhianna's 20/20 and Good Morning America interviews (Jodi also wrote about Rhianna speaking out about her domestic violence experience here), the ones she's giving in conjunction with the release of her new album, Rated R. Now, on the eve of those media appearances, a few additional people are speaking out about what specifically happened to Rhianna and about domestic violence in general.
Carrie Prejean sued the Miss USA Organization. The Miss USA Organization sued Carrie Prejean. A joint statement released earlier this week said Prejean and the organizers of
the pageant reached a confidential settlement on the lawsuits. Too bad. I so wanted Carrie's 15 minutes of fame to continue.
(And can I just note for a minute how weird "2010" looks? It's like we're livin' in the future, baby! Where's my jet pack and rocket-powered hovercar, already? I MEAN SRSLY.)
So, this is what we get after Hugh Jackman decides he's had enough. [pours a little out for The Jackman] SNIFF.
Ashlee Simpson was recently axed from Melrose Place and although it doesn't seem like any "Save Ashlee!" petitions are circling the Internet, it apparently stunned Jessica Simpson even more than her little sister.
Here's some input I didn't really need: Steve Carr, the d-bag responsible for Paul Blart: Mall Cop, has been signed by Dimension Films to direct a remake of Short Circuit, the 1986 sci-fi-lite flick in which a robot out-acted Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy, which is almost an impressive feat.
Well, well, so I was right. In a signed affidavit, Mayumi Heene, the mother of "Balloon Boy," admitted the whole nonsense was a hoax in order to get the family more media attention for a reality show. Dad still isn't talking.
"Nothing else will be said," announced Rosie O'Donnell's publicist regarding strong rumors that the comedian and her wife of five years were separating. The publicist did confirm that the couple are having issues and are working through them.
Los Angeles authorities filed a search warrant seeking TMZ's bank records. Investigators are trying to uncover who leaked the sherrif's report of Mel Gibson's drunk driving arrest to them.
In science-y, smart mo-fo news, and exoplanet conference was held a few days ago in Porto where a team of Smart MoFo's did a massive TA-DA(!) regarding their fancy new High Accuracy Radial Velocity Planet Searcher, or HARPS as it's known to the Fonzies of the telescope crowd, has discovered some 32 new exoplanets increasing the number of low-mass planets by a panty dropping 30%.
If anyone deserves a Nobel Peace Prize, it's the creators of the Internet Movie Database. Can you imagine how many arguments have been settled because of that site? And would you believe that it's been around 19 years as of this past Saturday?
So here's the thing. I actually missed the whole balloon boy saga. I was busy at my real life day job and got on twitter that night and was all huh? Balloon boy? WTF?
So, for those of you like me, here is the two second recap: The Heene family, who had previously appeared on Wife Swap, which immediately brings their judgment into question, reported that their 6 year old son floated away in an inflatable helium flying saucer like thingie. The nation and twitter becomes riveted. Except: not so much. Child was found hiding in a cardboard box in the rafters of the family's garage.
At first the public sentiment was "those poor parents, they thought their kid floated away and he was in the garage? That is terrible." And then it turned to "um, that doesn't really make sense." And now it is at "LIARS. HOAX. CHARGE THEM."
And that is where we now are.
MAMAPOP IS SMART POP CULTURE ANALYSIS, COMMENTARY, MERCILESS FUN-MAKING AND OTHER SUNDRY AWESOME, DISHED UP DAILY BY PARENTS, FOR PARENTS, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT PLAYTIME IS BETTER WITH VODKA. PLEASE TO ENJOY. READ MORE...
