When we rejoin our heroes the top 5 chefs are getting ready for their most difficult challenge to date. Everyone is being sweet and and talking about our inspirations when Eli does something that I cannot abide.
The bitch misquotes "The Princess Bride".
So MTV has this new show about a bunch of self-professed "guidos" who rent a house down the shore. They're idiots, there's lots of booze, fights, sex, and all other things that makes MTV the braintrust it is.
Before we begin out weekly Top Chef recap I would like to apologize for anything you read below that doesn't make sense. I caught my daughter's cold and then I walked around in the rain and then I went to an ice hockey game so I am currently all hopped up on goofballs. Cold medicine makes me silly.
Also, I don't think "Strip Around the World" is going to mean what I think it means, but a girl can always hope.
Let's get on with the show.
Come on, Top Chef! Why do you mess with me so? I turned on my television last night ready and waiting to see Padma ordering room service. I saw the teaser last week. I knew what was coming.
But no, I was slapped down. Instead you gave me a reunion show. Well, sort of a reunion show, but less coherent. You called it the All Stars Dinner.
Think of this article as a public service announcement. I sit down to watch Sex Rehab With Dr.Drew so you can learn from my mistakes. Grab your significant other and some protection and let's go!
As I accept the award for longest post title ever and episode 10 begins, our contestants are looking rough. Jennifer seems beaten down and people's metaphors have stopped making any sense.
I've discussed before how children in reality shows aren't really protected because child labor laws don't apply. Kate Gosselin's brother and sister in law were on CBS' The Early Show earlier in the week with fame whore, oh I'm sorry, "child welfare advocate" Gloria Allred discussing this issue. Clip is after the jump.
Well, Jon and Kate were told to settle their monetary issues, and it seems like they did. They were in court today to discuss who stole the cookie from the cookie jar, and all seems simpatico in Gosselin land. Or not. Who knows with those two?
Who knows, though, maybe you have watched them, and maybe you also enjoy them as fiercely as I do, but these are not the reality shows you'll find listed in the Twitter trending topics or on Facebook status updates, oh no, and I also don't think TMZ has ever gotten a crotch shot of one of these show's stars, but there's this: they're far more enjoyable than any episode of the The Hills. Even that one episode where Spencer was a douche.
What is going on with Asians in the media lately? First Jon Gosselin, formerly loving husband and doting dad-of-eight, becomes douchebag of the year and the biggest reason to hate Ed Hardy. Then Mayumi Heene, mom to Balloon Boy, is accused of perpetrating a hoax along with her crazy-ass husband. Hello! Konnichi-wa! Can my people get a PR makeover, please?
And by a "second", I of course mean "a good 45 minutes" in Biggest Loser two-hour bloated-ass episode time. If I really want to capture the spirit of this show, I'll go ahead and repeat this entire opening bit after the jump, just like they do after each and every commercial break. Quick! Show me the last 30 seconds that I just saw a minute ago! I cannot remember! Dr. Rob says all my body fat has settled in my skull and is destroying my memory.
I have never seen a minute of Big Brother and have no idea who Adam Jasinski is. But, is winning a CBS reality show a one way ticket to the slammer?
So here's the thing. I actually missed the whole balloon boy saga. I was busy at my real life day job and got on twitter that night and was all huh? Balloon boy? WTF?
So, for those of you like me, here is the two second recap: The Heene family, who had previously appeared on Wife Swap, which immediately brings their judgment into question, reported that their 6 year old son floated away in an inflatable helium flying saucer like thingie. The nation and twitter becomes riveted. Except: not so much. Child was found hiding in a cardboard box in the rafters of the family's garage.
At first the public sentiment was "those poor parents, they thought their kid floated away and he was in the garage? That is terrible." And then it turned to "um, that doesn't really make sense." And now it is at "LIARS. HOAX. CHARGE THEM."
And that is where we now are.
It's rare that reality ever intrudes on reality television, but when it does, it's like matter and antimatter caught in a careless kiss. News Corp confirmed rumours yesterday when it announced the impending closure of Fox Reality Channel.
The channel will continue to pipe its way into millions of American homes until the end of March 2010. Until then, feel free to enjoy repeats of American Idol Extra and Paradise Hotel and Sex Decoy: Love Stings, or whatever else Fox feels like drizzling onto its fancy plate of unscripted excitement
Oh Top Chef producers, have you been reading my diary? Pork and Pinot Noir? Charlie Palmer? Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings? Those are a few of my favorite things.
Especially the part where there is pork belly and wine.
The guest judge is Charlie Palmer who not only has a high end steak house near my house (Hi Charlie!) but also happens to be the former boss of not one, but BOTH Voltaggio brothers.
Cue the ominous music people.
Bryan worked with Palmer for 10 years. Michael worked with the chef for one year. Chef Palmer assures the other contestants that he won't show any favoritism.
It gets interesting here. I was starting to tire of the brother on brother competition but as we get deeper into the season Michael seems to be spazzing out. I think the pressure is getting to him. He actually admits that he doesn't think Charlie Palmer likes him very much (which his big brother assures him isn't true) which made me uncomfortable.
Back to the competition part, Charlie Palmer starts taking about pairings. This gentleman has got my number. Red meat? Wine pairings? I freaking love this guy!
For the Quick Fire Challenge the chefs have to pair a snack food with a dish.
I know! They tricked me too! It is almost like me doing this to you:
MAMAPOP IS SMART POP CULTURE ANALYSIS, COMMENTARY, MERCILESS FUN-MAKING AND OTHER SUNDRY AWESOME, DISHED UP DAILY BY PARENTS, FOR PARENTS, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT PLAYTIME IS BETTER WITH VODKA. PLEASE TO ENJOY. READ MORE...
