MamaPop™

Oprah Teaches Us All About This New Thing Called "Porn"

Yes. Oprah, yet again, with the help of "investigative reporter" Lisa Ling, teaches us about a completely new phenomenon. It's called PORN.

Great Lagomorph Lingams! That Rabbit's Got a Brand New Penis!

If my e-mail spam folder is any indication, humans are obsessed with the length, girth, and efficacy (see also: the ability to "subdue se7ven w0men w 1 blow") of the male penis. Medications, manual pumps, visual stimuli, and animals driven to endangerment in the name of longer, harder, faster can try as they might, but all the tadalafil in the world can't fix what's truly broke, which is why science has taken it one step further and created artificial rabbit penises.

Wear Some Protection: A Recap of Sex Rehab With Dr.Drew

Think of this article as a public service announcement. I sit down to watch Sex Rehab With Dr.Drew so you can learn from my mistakes. Grab your significant other and some protection and let's go!

Friday Combo Platter: Scrotal Humor Edition

Today's Combo Platter has three main ingredients:

• Testicles

• Homances (the female equivalent of bromances)

• Racists

There's also a bonus sub-thread. COULD YOUR LIFE GET MORE AWESOMER? I THINK NOT!

Levi Johnston's Playgirl Spread: Why Comedy Writing Is Hard

Every day, the comedy writer waits, and waits, and waits, for something to happen to get snarky about. Sometimes there's very little to work with, sometimes, there seems to be NOTHING to work with, as if every batshit celeb took the day off, just to spite the writer.  And then there are the times that comedy writing seems to take a life of its own, and the words spring forth like so many crested waves upon the ocean, covering the sand with laughter.

Friends? This is one of those times.

Rick Springfield to Cameo on Californication

The third season of Showtime's Californication premiered a few weeks ago and, not surprisingly, Hank Moody's antics have already made for many cringe-worthy moments. Karen is working at her dream job in New York, Hank landed himself a teaching gig at a university after pushing the original instructor right the hell off the wagon, Runkle is trying to get back into Marcy's good graces and the agency industry after his pr0n career and pr0n girlfriend failed miserably, and Becca is navigating the extremely choppy waters of adolescence made even more turbulent by her wacky parents.

Jon & Kate-Inspired Pr0n Exists. Commence Barfing Now.

Thankfully, the pr0n in question is not of the estranged Gosselins. Not yet, anyway. But you know with their meteoric rise to "fame" a sex tape is due any day now.

No, the *ahem* film that I'm referring to belongs to that mainstay of the adult film genre: the parody.

Evan Rachel Wood and Alexander Skarsgard Are Dating. We Think.

I won't lie. This news made me cry and throw things a little bit this morning. Word on the street is that Evan Rachel Wood and Alexander Skarsgard are dating.

This Week in Nekkid "Celebrities" Part 2, Electric Boogaloo

And we're not just talking blurry cellphone pics and Playboy pictorials, ladies and gents. Today's edition features a videotape with a Grey's Anatomy star, his wife, and a fallen beauty queen!  Aren't you lucky little duckies? And you might even be interested in seeing some of the people in it naked this time!

Thar be links below the fold, but if you're in a NSFW or dial-up situation, have no fear. Because I'm so dedicated (read: pervy), I have watched and painstakingly recapped for those of you in the cheap seats. 

Some Vampire Eric Northman for Your Hump Day

Based on comments on the True Blood recaps over the past couple of weeks, everyone seems to agree that the character of Eric, played by Swede Alexander Skarsgard, has grown immensely.

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt: Who Kisses Like That?

So these two got back together. 

I saw this photo and the first though that flew through my head was WTF WHO KISSES LIKE THAT? Who aims their head at their beloved with their jaw unhinged and their mouth tentacle hanging below their chin? People who kiss like this? It's GROSS. STOP IT.

I thought about the million different ways that I could Photoshop this photo: Paris Hilton lapping up a bowl of water, Paris Hilton vomiting, Paris Hilton licking an ice cream cone, Paris Hilton superimposed into a "Predator" still and hunting Schwarzeneggar in the jungle. 

She's got her Gollumn claw up on his shoulder and appears to be attempting anything other than a kiss.

Had your breakfast yet? LET'S LOOK CLOSER! 

Gisele Bundchen's Baby Bump Retouched for London Fog Ads; In Other News, Photoshop Lessons Now Available Online!

Pregnant Gisele Bundchen, who is expecting her first child with husband Tom Brady, appears almost nekkid in a sexy new London Fog ad campaign but her baby bump is nowhere to be found. According to a press release from the company, "...Most of the shots have been retouched to respect her privacy during this wonderful and personal time in her life.” Although, curiously, the statement then goes on to read, “Nobody is sexier or more beautiful than Gisele Bundchen in nothing but a London Fog trench coat, even with her visible baby bump."

Which leaves me with two questions:

1) If nobody is sexier than a pregnant Gisele Bundchen, why Photoshop her pregnant belly?

And

2) What kind of lame ass airbrushing job is that?

The Test Is Positive: I'm Addicted to 16 and Pregnant

When I first heard about MTV's new show, 16 and Pregnant, I cringed a little. In my opinion, MTV is not exactly a somber source for commentary on social issues, at least not lately. Think back to the first season of The Real World, when the cast members discussed things like finding a job, being young and broke, race, sexuality, AIDS, politics. More recent seasons have found the cast members discussing pressing issues like hot tubs, alcohol, and being a bitch.
I really did not want to see some sensationalized, Springer-esque depiction of teen pregnancy.

Hugh Hefner Can't Tell His Girlfriends Apart

*big sigh*

Hugh Hefner admitted to Fox News that he has trouble telling his girlfriends apart.

Sure at 83 some of it might be that he is addled, but another part of it is that they are identical twins.

They are also 20 years old. 

Fortunately for Hef, one of them (I'm not sure if it is Karissa or Kristina) has a mark on her neck.

Dear Sluts,

Black Hockey Jesus Interviews Megan Fox - Not Much More Than Meets The Eye

I recently sat down with Megan Fox in her sprawling library (see left) to interview the stunning Transformers star. OK that's a total lie. Because you know: books. But I'm lying about the interview too. See. Normally, interviewers lie about what people actually say. But I lie about the whole interview itself. Because MamaPop is a groundbreaking collective of Pop Culture reporting that pushes the boundaries of lying and deception. Anyway, I interviewed Megan Fox in her library (nudge nudge) and she assaulted me with pearl after pearl of luminous wisdom. It was like she had an automatic pearl weapon of mass wisdom and she was like ratta-tatta-tatta with the wisdom. She blew my face off with wisdom.

Interview is after the jump. It's actually a collage of things that Megan Fox has actually (I'm serious) said (genuine quotes are in italics) in various recent interviews. Let me repeat: yes, she really said these things. Just not to me. But that doesn't detract from their profundity.

Shirtless Vampire Thursday

Okay, so I've devoted TWO Thursday afternoon posts already to shirtless True Blood promo photos. It's clearly time to change things up a little. Develop some new hobbies, outside interests.

Baby steps, people. It's a process.

China Has a Sex Theme Park? I'd Better Renew My Passport!

"Love Land" that is what the sex theme park was going to be called. China, of all places, was building enormous representations of genitals. I guess the developers felt that the Chinese people were too repressed and that they needed to learn how to enjoy sex more.

They might have been right.