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True Blood Recap: Beyond Here Lies Nothin'

This episode was...odd. Maybe that was the intended feeling. The aftermath of Maryann's demise was far too calm and things started going downhill fairly quickly.

True Blood Recap: Frenzy

Oh, kids, can I just go ahead and grovel some more for not recapping yesterday? Seriously, it hurt. But now we're back and all is right with the world.

Let's first address the dumb look Bill has on his face when he walks into the Queen's mansion and is greeted by the Queen and her midnight snack. Has Bill not been a vampire for over 100 years? Is this a new sight for him? Come on, Bill. Quit acting like such an amateur.

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled True Blood Recap to Bring You Some Nonsense

Ugh. Dudes. I am sincerely so sad to report that I couldn't watch True Blood last night and thus the recap will not be going up today. My husband is a DJ and had a rather important gig last night, so I decided to, like, go be a supportive spouse or whatever, even though my heart was in Bon Temps.

So, if I promise to have the recap up by noon tomorrow, will you kindly forgive me this transgression?

In the meantime, I want to share with you what I will be peeking at regular intervals throughout the day until I can be at home with my DVR.

True Blood Recap: New World in My View

I felt a strong connection to this episode of True Blood, because back before the economy tanked and the price of groceries went through the roof, my friends and I used to celebrate the Fourth of July by building a meat sculpture in the front yard. Ah, memories.

True Blood Recap: I Will Rise Up

So, I consulted with many psychologists and doctors and scientists and people with PhDs and we came to the conclusion that last night's episode of True Blood was certifiably INSANE. And insanely good. I give it 5 Heaving Bosoms, including mine.

True Blood Recap: Timebomb

Kiss my grits, True Blood is getting crazy.

So, Sookie is still in the Fellowship of the Sun basement attempting to recover from Gabe's attack and reeling from Godric's sudden rescue. Gabe is also a little stunned by this development and says, "Godric, it's me!" Hmm, why does he sound surprised that the vampire that they kidnapped and were fixing to kill would attack his captors? Godric wordlessly snaps Gabe's neck and tells Sookie that they should not have come. Eric swooshes in and drops to his knees before Godric, relieved that he is okay. Godric is in no mood for emotional reunions and calls Eric a fool for sending humans. Eric insists that he had no choice, that he had to find a way to save Godric from the savages of the Fellowship. He asks if Godric has fed but Godric replies that he requires very little blood anymore. An alarm goes off and Godric orders Eric to escape, to save Sookie, and to not spill any blood on his way out.

True Blood Recap: Release Me

Praise His Light, I'm back! It was a long week without regular internet access and no HBO, and the kids in Bon Temps were mighty busy infiltrating and orgying and whatnot. We found out that Daphne was that pig that belongs to Maryann and that Maryann was the horny demonic bovine thing and had an eye for cutting out Sam's heart. We also found out that the Newlins had some seriously psycho shit planned, which surprised...uh...no one. Well, except for Jason but that's not really hard to do. Lafayette and Terry bond over Lafayette's post-traumatic stress disorder in a scene that kind of made me tear up a bit, but all of the golden healing lights won't protect Lafayette from Pam and Eric, who push him back into the V-dealing business. Sookie and Hugo's infiltration doesn't exactly work out, but Bill can't come save them because Lorena showed up and demanded some quality time. And Jessica and Hoyt are cute as buttons.

True Blood Recap: Never Let Me Go

Everybody sing with me: Ain't no orgy like a Bon Temps orgy, cause a Bon Temps orgy don't stop!

Biggie Biggie Biggie, can't you see? Sometimes your vamp just glamours me. And I just love your flashy ways. Guess that's why they broke and my back's all scratched up.

Something like that. My Bon Temps shapeshifter/vampire/vibrating demon party jams mix is still in its infant stages.

True Blood Recap: Shake and Fingerpop

I need to come out of the coffin about something: I intensely covet the Fantasia tshirt that Sookie's been wearing as she recovers from her attack. And, um, hbo.com sells them. I might have to buy one.
Anyway, that was a long break, wasn't it?

True Blood Pauses Mid-Suck

Sadly, HBO did not air a new episode of True Blood last night. Instead, they played the first three episodes of season two. I guess even vampires have to take time out for the 4th of July? Anyway, since I frankly don't know what to do with myself without a recap to write, let's take a moment and evaluate where all of the characters are and make some predictions.

True Blood Recap: Scratches

So, when we left those crazy Bon Temps kids, Bill was about to do...something to Jessica's family after Sookie stupidly drove her to her parents' house and Jessica went completely berserk, which surprised absolutely no one.

True Blood Recap: Keep this Party Going

True Blood seems to be squarely in puberty, what with the tantrums and dirty dancing and arguments and hair-dos and late night mall trips.

True Blood Recap: Nothing But the Blood

Gah! Finally, True Blood is back. I've spent months pondering the fate of the owner of the painted toenails that stuck out of Andy Bellefleur's car. Granted, I could have just read the books that the series is based on but where's the fun in that?