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Last night was the finale in Ashley’s journey to find love on The Bachelorette. Two men, one rose, and one really self-righteous sister who almost ruined it all. Let’s begin. We start the show with Ashley reading the obligatory script about her journey to find love, the fairytale romance, the last chapter of her love [...]
Top Ten lists are fun. Bottom Ten lists are funner. Yes: funner.
Once upon a time, there were nasty rejects from the reality shows The Bachelor and Bachelorette. They thought very highly of themselves and cried a lot. Now they’ve come to live in one house, sleep in one room, share countless STDs and stab each other in the back for “love” but mostly money.
Harrison appears in a cloud of smoke, ZAPOW! We get not a MOMENT’S rest between the end of the previous show and the beginning of this one. My poor little typey fingers. Anyhoodle, Ali and Robbo! Bliss! Vomit-covered kittens! Caffeine overdose! WHAT NOW?!?!!? WELL. We’re going to find out what happened after Robbo proposed and Ali said yes. She giggles that she’s been keeping a calendar waiting for the day they could announce Their Lurve. BUT FIRST, LET’S TALK ABOUT FRANK
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for when Ali chooses, already! She’s scared! YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS. On the unforgettable finale of the Bachelorette! Let’s go! I vomit on a kitten from excitement. Ali can’t believe she could get engaged in Bora Bora. Looking back at the 25 chumps, she stunned that she found two awesome guys. Two awesome guys, I MIGHT ADD, that I TOTALLY called in the FIRST episode.
Oh, The Bachelor. We love to hate it, don’t we, my beloved little squirrels? And you’re all so kind as to go with me on our little jaunts every week here at MamaPop as I recap the nightmare OVER AND OVER AND OVER like some endless commercial for psychiatric drugs. Which is kinda is! I mean, *I* certainly need the meds to write these, YOU need them to watch this crap, and all the contestants REALLY need them, obviously. That’s what makes it fun, and FUNNY. So when E! decided to do a “Then and Now” of The Bachelor, I thought “Self? You just HAVE to recap THAT shit, it’ll be great!”
This is what we look forward to every season, kids! The idiots all return and we get the REAL dirt. So let’s hit it! The crowd cheers! I preemptively vomit on a kitten! And it’s my future husband Chris Harrison, here to guide us through the madness! Woohoo!
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