Your Fear Of The Dentist Doesn’t Impress Me [Essay]


fear-of-dentist

Whenever people tell me they are afraid to go to the dentist, I offer a sympathetic hug. Followed by a well-intentioned smack. Because if I can dig deep and find the courage to get my semiannual teeth cleanings and checkups, then anyone can. “Oh yeah?” you say, my hand print reddening your cheek. “Prove it.” Okay. [...]

Help! My Kid Can’t Stop Throwing Word Grenades [Essay]


viomom

It was just like you’d expect. S l o w  m o t i o n. My casual manner while chatting with the preschool director and a new teacher’s aid transforming to sphincter-tightening horror as my 4-year-old daughter steps toward the aid, puts her hand on the woman’s protruding stomach and – OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE -  [...]

Should Your Kids Go On Your Diet? Let’s Ask Gwyneth Paltrow


Or a woman whose house contains nothing but crates full of squash.

For a few days now the interwebz has been having a field day over ametur dietician and professional sefl-awareness-lacker Gwyneth Paltrow. The 40-year-old actress’ is about to debut her new cookbook It’s All Good: Delicious, Easy Recipes That Will Make You Look Good and Feel Great. Reports suggest that had a third subtitle not been overkill, [...]

Kids Post Racist And Anti-Gay Videos To YouTube Because SMART


youtube-anti-gay-woods-christian-rap

Listen, just don’t have kids. It’s too late for some of us, but you can still save yourself. Because the risk with having kids is that sometimes they end up being bigoted assholes, and we need more of those like we need a sheet over another fat southern Klan-member’s head. Case in point are the two YouTube geniuses you’re about to see. More »

It’s Brad Pitt’s Birthday, And Suddenly I’m Depressed


brad pitt

I think I first fell for the ol’ Pittster when I saw A River Runs Through It or Legends of the Fall. He was twenty-going-on-thirty when those movies were filmed. But today is Brad Pitt‘s birthday, compatriots. Do you know how old he turns today? (Forty-nine.) 49! Now, I don’t know about you and yours, [...]